You know that thing where you sometimes wish when/if you run into an ex, they'll look like hell and it'll make you feel better about yourself? Yeah, well sometimes it don't work that way. I caught a glimpse of BP today and it was...disturbing. Despite the fact that we were never friends on social media (except for a brief period when she followed me on Twitter), she popped up as a person I may know and I clicked on the profile because I didn't recognize the person in the photo. It was indeed her, but she was freakishly skinny. Her arms reminded me of those you see on someone with an eating disorder, which is kinda scary. But knowing her, it's likely the result of too much travel, too much stress and not taking care of herself. Even so, it didn't make me feel good to see what she's become. But I can't say I was totally shocked. She never took care of herself and never had anyone around who encouraged it or took it upon themselves to do that for her (aside from me). In fact, she visited the ER twice during our time together and both times engaged in stupid behavior hours after being discharged. On the last occasion, when she'd visited for an asthma attack, she went out the very next night, less than 24 hours since she'd gone to the hospital. Her best friend, knowing of the visit the day before, encouraged her to take a shot as a way of dealing with all that was wrong in her life. And then she took five more and proceeded to lay into me on her way home from the bar, drunk off her ass and still complaining about breathing issues. The incident made me think even less of her friends than I already did at the time and kinda showed me the type of person I was dealing with. She also took up smoking towards the end of us, the dumbest ish ever for an asthmatic, and in the beginning of us, she often complained about not being able to afford to eat anything but cheap stuff, yet still proceeded to find a way to buy alcohol and go out with her friends on a regular basis. And every one of these things increased tenfold when she worked, which I hear she's been doing non-stop since we split. It's sad, really. We weren't compatible as lovers and probably not even as friends, but I never wish bad things on anybody and it's sad when someone you once cared about becomes so unrecognizable. Still, what happened between us remains in my head and her life is none of my business so I blocked the profile from coming up again and moved on. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who could stop caring about a person immediately. But more often, I'm glad I am not that way, even with all the drawbacks there can be in caring.
