Mixed Up And Lost, You Showed Me Love At No Cost

So, Agent W is going through the break-up process and I'm trying my best to help her through it. This morning certainly helped as we laughed our asses off for an hour in a convo that included a reference to my mother's pepper spray incident from eons ago (still my favorite story in the history of ever), as well as Agent W's mother nearly choking to death but refusing to stop eating while doing so. And then there was the talk about how she couldn't get to sleep last night and I told her she'd pass out like a drunk, which she said I only wanted so I could take advantage of her. Oh, and there's the reference to a rough trick named Jim because she always jokes that I'd leave her for him if she ever lost her ability to support me. Yeah, we're idiots. But we're hilarious idiots. And that makes life better. I love you immensely, Agent W and we gon get you through this, gurl! *does a line of Oreos in solidarity*

W: So I passed out like a drunk. And I woke up all sore.
W: Was that you taking advantage of me?
Me: Oh sorry...I'm usually more careful than to leave soreness.
W: lol It's ok, I needed it rough last night.
Me: Oh, I'll give it to you rough. Or else my name ain't Jim #RoughTrick
W: LOL
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W: Good Lord. I can't remember how I described this guy to you, but I went out with him before the boyfriend, he expected to be the center of my universe...no friends, no family, just him. I haven't heard from him in awhile and he shot me an email this morning asking how I was doing. Timing, mang.
Me: Too bad he didn't come up to you in real life. You could pepper spray him and scream, "Not today, Satan!" as you reject all needy men.
W: LOL
Me: Or if you take after Mama C, pepper spray yourself while saying that lol.
W: lol Mother fucker.
Me: LOL
W: I'll pepper spray myself and keep eating.
Me: lol Like Mama B. And Homer Simpson
W: LOL
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W: LMAO. Mom casually "found" my bottle of nail polish on the floor...so she picks it up and walks off with it saying she'll bring it back. And she goes into a list of the "biggest lies ever told".
W: "I'll pay you back"
W: "Just the tip"
Me: LOL. Yeah, that's how I conned you into it last night too.
W: LMFAO
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W: I just figured out why this dude emailed me. He saw my profile back up on [dating site]. He sent me a message asking for another chance.
Me: No. You tell him no, dammit.
W: To the curb with you!
Me: You've literally been single for 5 minutes. Wtf is it with you and Mama B that got the boys running to the yard? Is it that oh, so sexy habit of choking to death whilst eating? Is it the Jesus shrine? #TheWorldMayNeverKnow
W: You listed HER habits...as if you like her more than me.
Me: Who did I roofie and spend hours waiting for them to pass out before having my way with them last night?! YOU.
Me: That's love, gurl.
Me: It's so much love, gurl.
Me: It's just some love, gurl.
Me: GURL YOU KNOW IT'S TRUUUUUUUEEEE
Me: Ooooooh, oooooooh, ooooooooh
Me: I drugged you.
W: LMAO