I firmly believe we all need at least one person in our life, besides a family member, who will love us even when we find it impossible to love ourselves. Family members can sometimes feel obligated to do that but a friend who does it for no other reason than the fact that they love you is something special. Those are friends you hold onto because they don't come around too often. Agent W is one of those friends for me. Almost a year ago, I wrote this post detailing some ish that went down between her and the boyfriend. You'll recall I've never been a big fan of his, especially after he tried to tell her that two of us should not be friends anymore, but I've supported her decision to remain with him, the same way she supported mine to keep inviting BP back into my life even though she couldn't stand BP. My decision to keep going back was just that - my decision. The same way she now faces a decision of her own in dealing with this dude she's with. It appears that he did not learn from the mistake he made a year ago when he got caught exchanging suggestive texts with a female who was not his girlfriend. Instead, he went the opposite way and now...well, we shall see what happens now.
This morning Agent W told me she caught this mofo texting another woman again, only this time there was something else he confessed to. He went out with this chick a handful of times over the past month. Like on dates, apparently. The reason? Well, that's the most ridiculous part of all. He claims he did it because Agent W was not giving him enough attention. I mean...really, dude? That's such juvenile behavior, in my humble opinion. If you're in something and you love someone and you're committed to them, that ish shouldn't even cross your mind. Be an adult and say, "Hey, I feel like we need to reconnect, I miss you, let's make some time to spend together". You don't go seek attention elsewhere just because you don't feel you're getting enough, and frankly, I don't think there's such a thing as enough attention for this fool since he wanted every moment of her time in the beginning too. I also remember him accusing her of having other options on a few occasions when she encouraged them to each spend time without each other, going out with friends outside of the relationship, etc. That's also ridiculous. He says he never got physical with this chick but cheating is cheating in my book, whether it be physical or emotional. What's disturbing to me is that this pattern of behavior is escalating, instead of being scaled back. She never did get to see the full context of his messages last year but chose to charge ahead regardless, so one can only guess as to whether or not it was innocent. But it also makes me wonder how much further that whole thing went, or would've gone had she not caught him. Obviously, she did but she stayed and took that inch and ran a mile this time around by actually dating another person. What's to stop him from becoming physical with the next chick? And you best believe there will be another chick down the line at some point if she stays and no major changes are made. The situation reminds me of a kid trying to see how much they can get away with before their parent finally says, "Enough". It also sets a few more pieces of the puzzle in place for me. I remember us talking about how clingy he was early on and how so many exes had cheated on him that it made him paranoid and I was thinking there had to be more to it than just every woman being a cheater. She agreed but also wasn't sure what that 'more' was. And I think this is what it is. He wanders when he's unhappy or when he's not the center of some chick's world and then, I'd venture to guess, he plays the victim when that chick has had enough and gives him a taste of his own medicine. I'm not saying either of those things is right, mind you, but I can see how the scenario happens. The difference this time is that Agent W is almost endlessly patient and isn't going to turn around and do the same to him, so instead she's stuck it out and here they are.
As I wrote in my post a year ago, trust is earned. And much like one's reputation, it takes forever to build up and one careless act to shatter. At the moment, Agent W is trying to decide what to do about it and whether or not to stay. I gave my two cents, I'm sure I won't be the only one, and I will stand by her regardless of what her decision is. But I do know which outcome I'm rooting for. I adore her and she is without question one of my closest friends and partners in crime. I don't like to see anyone I love hurt or mistreated, but she's one of those people that only deserves good things out of life. And most of all, she deserves a great dude in her life. Someone who isn't going to seek attention elsewhere just because she doesn't spend her every waking moment with him. Further complicating matters is that she's grown close to his family and maybe that also factors into what she decides to do. But I feel like that should almost be an afterthought. No decision is going to be painless, I would think staying would entail some major changes taking place and obviously leaving entails even more changes. But, for lack of a better term, this is one of those 'take back your power' moments she has to grab onto. She was wavering in whether or not she wanted to stay with him even before this anyway. And it sucks that I can't be of more help, but I reckon this is how she felt when I bitched about BP and then took her back, only to bitch some more about how I was being mistreated. Agent W and I spoke not too long ago about how happiness is a choice and it's not always one either of us has always made correctly. But I hope this is the time she chooses happiness.
