BP reaching out to me provoked many responses from those that care about me. Most of those responses were angry. Not at me, but at her for having the balls to contact me after all that's happened. And it turns out she wasn't done with just the one text, as she messaged again saying that she feels no one knows her like I do (did), and that's why she can't fully move on. I still didn't respond but, for once, she's right. I did know her better. I was the first person in her life to call her on her crap and do it in a way that wasn't mean or putting her down or walking away completely at the first sign of trouble. Both her fathers left, her mom was a nightmare, her closest brother was only there for her when it was convenient for him (must be a family trait), and her friends were extremely fair weather. She tried endlessly to mend fences with her fathers, who were less than interested. She forgave her mother multiple times a day for various insults and general meanness. She swept the fact that her brother was 100% there for her unless she really needed him under the rug. And she took only a few days to forgive friends who talked behind her back and/or called her names right to her face. And then I came along and I didn't do any of that. She needed me, I was there, no matter how minor the issue. She needed to vent about family or friends, I listened. She tried to fix things between us multiple times and I gave in every time and did my part. I knew her so well that I could tell you what her excuse or defense would be to almost everything I'd say to her. I knew that if she went MIA after a fight, she would resurface the next day with a, "Hey" message that she assumed would snowball into a reconciliation. I knew all of this because I knew her and, for a long time, I bent over backwards to make sure she was good, even when I wasn't. The thing is, she never knew me. Not all of me and not in the way someone who loves you should know you. Sure, she thought she knew everything and always tried to anticipate how I would feel about something or how I would react, even telling me what I was feeling on a few occasions (and almost always wrong about it). So while I don't disagree with her assessment that I knew her oh so well, it means nothing to me because it wasn't a two way street. I don't want to spend my time with someone who can't be bothered to really know me and who only keeps me around because of how well I know them.
Sometimes I feel resentment or anger towards BP. But I should feel that towards myself for allowing it to continue as long as it did. Lately though, I just feel...well, not much towards her. Obviously I don't love her, but, as with everyone I've crossed paths with for any length of time, I do still care about her in some way. Not the way I used to, but the way I care about any former lover. And hearing this song pretty much summed up just how I feel about her nowadays. We didn't work, we were a nightmare at times, but I don't wish ill on anyone. Everything for a reason.
"You had your red flags up and raised
More traffic than east L.A
But I drove in anyway
My common sense on holiday"
