It's two in the morning in my neck of the woods and I can't sleep. Why? Because I'm on the verge of some major life stuff involving my kid tomorrow. And it's all I've been able to think about for the past four days. Until tonight anyway. Everyone on my end is asleep, but my West Coast friends are still awake and kicking. And I'm thankful for that. The first conversation began with a debate over food, then ventured into the friend's personal life, before coming back around to calling me a hussy (even though I'm no longer a hussy, I will never live it down. She plays the hussy card anytime I make fun of her holy man sit'iation.). And, oddly, I did begin to feel better. I definitely felt less alone. That's a feeling that I've come to know all too well the past few days. It's mostly on me though. I sometimes forget my problems are my own and nobody else's. But that's how it is I guess.
Then I talked to a dude who has been one of my best friends since I was 5-years-old. He was previously referred to as "Groomzilla" in a previous post. Dude is one of those people who doesn't care if you want to talk about something, he's gonna make you talk about it anyway. However, I averted the convo about tomorrow by switching over to talk about his nearly two months pregnant wife. Their wild ride began almost a decade ago and has taken them from break-up to make-up to more break-ups and finally to reconciliation (we hope) for good and the altar. Now they're expecting a kid later this year and, while I'm thrilled for them, I'm also a bit trepadacious. Okay, maybe more than a bit. He's a recovering alcoholic and I'm extremely proud of him for getting his life on track and getting the girl in the end. But I also know he's relapsed in the past when under extreme emotional stress and there is no greater emotional stress than pregnancy and then having to care for a newborn. But that's a problem for another time I suppose. What we talked about tonight was that the Mrs. is beginning to exhibit pregnancy hormones and it is throwing him off. He texts daily about something new she yelled at him about or some new craving or something he doesn't understand. And, as much as I want to be sympathetic, I cannot. Because my sister-in-law had the mother of all pregnancy hormones. Seriously. I should dig up the posts about it because living under her regime during her pregnancy still gives me nightmares. Hell, even she admits she didn't wanna be around herself during pregnancy. So I'd like to tell him it's a phase and will soon blow over but honestly, pregnancy hormones be a crap shoot. It's such an awesome time though. I hope he enjoys it.
Another thing I said to a friend in conversation tonight is that I fully intend to punch my ex's next boy toy (and believe me, there will be another boy toy) in the face before I even know the dude. I punched the last guy, but let my guard down around the current ass because he seemed decent (considering the guys she typically dates), and now it's come back to bite me. I'm not a fan of 'I told you so', and I hate hearing it so I rarely (if ever) say it to someone else. I'm not saying it now either, but I firmly believed that marriage would not last. I became even more of a believer when she said he didn't want more kids and she was considering leaving him because of it. I'd heard very little about him for a few weeks, from either her or our daughter, and assumed it was over but had no confirmation. Well, consider it confirmed. The jackass filed a complaint against me for supposedly being an unfit father. He completely blindsided all of us too. The ex put him out a few weeks ago and has been contemplating divorce ever since. She's officially filing this week, I think she may actually be more livid than me about his complaint (probably because he made it seem as if she was on board with it). Here's what I've determined about the relationship between our daughter, her mother and I; when it's just the two of us making decisions for her, we're awesome and we don't fight (anymore, anyway). When outside forces interfere, be it dating or unsolicited advice from a family member, we fight and we struggle and we lose sight of what is most important. And even though the ex is firmly on my side about all this and will help in any way she can, I'm still basically going it alone. And I think that's what has me so down and depressed. But that's not gonna help anything so I have to just go for it all on my own. Wish me luck...
