First, some background. She began contacting me around the holidays, saying she was sorry for taking me for granted and being mean. I didn't buy into it and kept our contact sporadic. She amped up her efforts in the new year, sending texts a few times a week and even calling on one occasion. All the while, telling me she knew I was probably seeing other people but still wanted to try and "fix us". I made it clear that was highly unlikely, but she continued pursuing me. Last month, she began to change into yet another personality. She was mean and rude and when I asked why she was continuing to contact me, she got upset. She wanted to reconcile and told me we should hang out but I scoffed at that and refused. I thought I'd made it clear that what she wanted was not going to happen when she baited me by saying she had an editing project for a big-ish client and wanted me to do it. I thought about it for awhile and agreed to talk about it, but ONLY about the project, not about us. This was on like a Saturday. She said she'd call me before she left on Thursday for a friend's wedding on an island somewhere. Why I believed that, I don't know. In typical her fashion, the call never came. I asked everyday when we were going to hammer things out because I needed to contact other people about other projects too, but I got the same BS she used to tell me when we were an "us" - "I'm really busy today". Thursday rolled around and I decided to forget the whole thing and told her as much, but she continued to say that the project was a go and she'd leave me a message with the details. Her plane departed and I heard nothing for a day and half before finally getting an email from her work account. But all it said was that she'd had a long trip, had no cell service but did occasionally have wifi and that she still loved me (this on V-Day). Nothing about work. I replied that I was glad she landed safely and said if she had the details about the project with her, she could just email them to me before weekend's end. I heard absolutely nothing for five days. On Wednesday, I figured she had to be home by then and texted asking what was up. The response was almost comical. She said that since I hadn't reciprocated her "I love you", she assumed I didn't want the project and so she didn't attempt to send me any details. She also claimed she actually had lost access to wifi after she emailed me, but her FB is public in parts and I went to check that to see if she was telling the truth. She wasn't. She'd posted pictures all weekend long of her looking happy as a clam while partying it up on the beach with her friends. I didn't tell her I knew any of this, I simply backed off and moved on. But like the villain in any good horror movie, she wasn't done yet. She texted last week and said she was in L.A. for work (filming her sure-to-be ill-fated "reality show"). I said good for her and disengaged. She left a voicemail very late one night, claiming she wanted to know what was happening in my life and wanted to work things out. These same pleas continued via text over the next couple of days. Then, the big shocker came last week when she started talking about her birthday and how I wouldn't be there to celebrate it with her again. For some reason, probably because of her ego and love for attention, her birthday is this massive thing to her and it's unforgivable if someone she loves misses it or doesn't acknowledge it. I was flabbergasted as to how she could bring that up like things were all good between us, as if I remembered or even cared that her birthday was on the horizon (honestly, I don't remember what day it's on, all I know is it's this week sometime). I basically confirmed that I would not be around for her birthday and she retreated for another week.
Monday night BP broke her silence in major fashion. The mood amongst the friends and I has been quite festive since the news of E's remission and we've been hanging out together a bit more because of it. We all had dinner at my place last night and then went out to do some karaoke. And that's when I spotted BP walking into the joint. She looked awful, like she was in pajamas or something and she had obviously been drinking. My friends loathe BP and upon seeing her decided we should all head out before she noticed us. Too late. She was belligerent and started yelling at me about how I had "wasted" three years of her life (how I wasted the last year that I wasn't even a part of, I have no clue) and three of her "child bearing" years. She was always obsessed with those damn "child bearing" comments and thought she was some kind of freak for being 34/35/36 without a kid or a husband. It drove me nuts. I didn't say much through all of this so she continued on about how I'd fucked her over, about how she lost the chance at signing a new client (for reasons that had zero to do with me and everything to do with how she mismanages her own life and career), about how her family "hates" her. On and on and ON. We tried to walk away but she followed and I decided she was too sloppy drunk to get home herself so I got a cab and was taking her to her place. Miracle of miracles, she began to sober up rather quickly once we were in the cab and turned into her usual nasty self by berating me over more bullshit. She idled between crying and just being fucking mean and I started to bark back. Then, she went for the jugular and really said some AWFUL things to me and I broke down. I just can't physically handle her nastiness, it's always been that way. She seemed shocked that I was upset and asked what was wrong. I told her twice what the fuck was wrong but she still claimed she had no clue why I was in tears. This whole time she's got absolutely no emotion going on too, yet is trying to say that it "breaks" her heart to hear me that way, but you can't break a heart where one does not exist. I told her one last time, VERY clearly, why I was upset and it got quiet for a minute before she started berating again, this time saying I'd never told her why and that it was "weird" that I didn't remember having NOT told her. ... It was so fucking bizarre. I'd said it literally two minutes prior, and for the third time no less, and now she was claiming it had never happened. And she's so good at the manipulation that I started to seriously wonder if I was the fucking crazy one. She then told me if I remembered what I'd said, then I would say it again but since I refused (why continue to explain to the deaf), I hadn't said anything at all. I just...I was speechless. I've often felt that she used my memory issues against me in times of conflict but this was a whole new level of fucked up. We pulled up to her place and she had the goddamn nerve to tell me, "You probably won't hear from me again because it's really disturbing how you don't remember things. I'm really concerned.". WOW. I'm the one in a car with a fucking sociopath and YOU'RE "concerned"?? The best friend heard that last comment about my memory and went to clock BP but was stopped by G, thank god. Someone heard the altercation and called the cops and everyone ended up in the back of police cars, although no one was charged with anything. Just prior to the cops arrival, I told her I hated her, regretted ever knowing her and that I hoped she'd get the help she needed for her issues. And I genuinely hope she does.
I used to go back and forth between her just being mean by nature and actually having some sort of mental issue, but now I am sure the mental issue is a real thing. Competent, stable people don't deny something that happened two minutes prior. It's sad, really. She never had a chance at a life without dysfunction, she grew up in so much chaos. They say girls grow up to become their mothers and I never really understood why that was such a terrible thing until now. Most of the women I've dated have come from pretty good backgrounds and great parents (or a great parent). But BP...doesn't. One father abandoned her, the other refuses to acknowledge her as one of his kids and her mom is not quite all there from what I can tell. At worst, she's got something going on in her head too, at best she's emotionally and verbally abusive. And I always worried about that, both that she would become her mother and that my child (or any possible future kids) would be exposed to all that drama. As it turns out, I didn't have to wait long for her to turn into her mom since it began happening as we were coming to an end. She would say awful things to me and then half-assedly apologize and think everything was good - the same way her mom operates with her. I told her on one occasion that the way she acts towards me is the same way her mom treats her and the reply was, "Yeah" in an, "And your point is...?" kind of tone. She also used to tell me that it was "fine" her mom treated her the way she did because she always apologized afterward, even though there was always a "but..." attached to it (the EXACT way BP "apologized". Her mom would say she was sorry for saying awful things to her only daughter, but really it was her dad's fault because he "messed up" her brain. Lo and behold, when I asked BP why she didn't hear things as they were said and twisted them to fit her view of things, her answer was, "I know I do that and I don't know why. Maybe something's wrong with my brain". The similarities are eerie. Thank god I dodged that bullet. The stories she told me about her mom used to worry me and make me think how irrational her reactions to everything were and now I know that history will indeed repeat itself someday, and it's already beginning. I'm sure BP will find some other poor fucker to breed with and I really, really hope he's much more stable than she is and knows when to get out. I'm so thankful the BP chapter is over.
You blew through me like a hurricane
Got me twisted, oh, got me twisted
You promised blue sky but brought the rain
And I went missing, oh, I went missing
And while I was sleeping
You robbed me blind
Drunk on your power
The sweet turned sour
You sent me sailing into the rocks
My queen of knots
Your heart's a jungle, a bar-fight
Lonely little queen of knots
You must be lost
You charm the desperate, and you bought your friends
They hang like targets, such easy targets
Never seen aim so steady, no, I never seen a mind so bent
You pull the trigger, you're cold like winter
And the spell I was under
Oh, your see-through skin
Was drunk on your power
I turned you louder
And I won't be there when the luck runs out
Yeah, I won't be there when the word gets round
Cuz you're someone else's baby
You're someone else's crazy now
While I was sleeping
You robbed me blind
I was drunk on your powers
The sweet turned sour
