Rubik's Cube

Relationships. *sigh* ...If I were to die tomorrow, my tombstone would make note of the fact that I was never good at relationships. In fact, it would read, "Supreme gutter brain, decent overall human being, talented song re-writer, but those relationship skills though!". Ironically, I'm more of a relationship person too. But I just can't seem to get the hang of getting that whole thing right. My longest romantic relationship was the first one, which was technically seven years, although some of those were on and off. Then came the dark ages where I went through women at an alarmingly high rate, primarily because whenever I found fault with one or didn't like being confronted about my issues, I just moved on to someone else. Then of course there was the ill-advised engagement that lasted eight months from beginning to end. That experience left me with this mental block of eight months being all I was capable of giving to something. But G would change all of that and completely erase my thinking that I would without question fuck something up in eight months. Once we hit eight months and one day, it was reason to celebrate. The interesting thing is that she was equally terrible at relationships herself, but somehow the combination of us made it work. We went well beyond eight months, only to be foiled by her inability to fully commit and my life responsibilities taking me in a different direction. That was the healthiest relationship I was ever a part of. And since then...well, you know what happened with BP. It's funny...I went into that relationships with arms, mind and eyes wide open, committed to doing things right and fully applying myself for the first time in ages. And look how that turned out. But that was on her, not me so I guess that's something. Sometimes I feel like I can be one of those doting husband/father types and all falls into place and it's great. But the thought of all that domesticity is also terrifying. That's where the other version comes into play and I'm too restless and require too much freedom to fully throw myself into the happy family life. But then I second guess that too because Miss N, her mom and now Gio and I have all settled into a pretty good routine. I am a family man, I just have a non-traditional family. As many an ex have put it, I'm an enigma in that way. But ever the optimist, hope springs eternal and I still want to believe that someday I'll get it right.