The best friend is engaged, but is trying damn hard not to be. She never wanted to remarry after all that went down in her first marriage (which we don't really count, but kinda do, it's this whole weird thing). But H, her fiancee, had his heart set on getting married and having kids, in that order so she relented and they got engaged. I was surprised that she handled it as well as she did. I thought just the ring on her finger would be enough to freak her out and give her flashbacks of the first go-round, but she was doing really well with it. Until recently, that is, when she started using every petty excuse imaginable as a means to pulling back on the reigns of the whole thing. H would like to marry next year, and Y reluctantly agreed to it, but as the time to plan inches closer she finds new and ridiculous ways to put it off. For example, I've spoken before of this weird itch I get on my left ring finger sometimes and how Crazy Aunt thinks it means I'm destined to get hitched someday, while my uncle sees it as the universe reminding me never to get married. Y told me a few weeks ago that her wedding finger itched and maybe it was a sign that they shouldn't get married. Cuz that's a good reason to sabotage your relationship, right? I talked her down but she's continued to come up with new stuff since. Like this:
Y: H and I just had a stupid ass fight and now I'm eating my feelings.
Me: Well, you're gonna be a Mrs. Eating your feelings will be all you have left soon enough.
Y: Haha.
Me: What was it about?
Y: Some chick he invited to come to the wedding. They've been friends for years but she lives in Sweden so I've only met her like once in passing. I don't know why he's inviting people when there isn't even a date yet.
Me: Because he wants a date but he doesn't want to rush you...or fight about it...so good job.
Y: lol What should I do? Leave him and then you and he and Gio could all run off together?
Me: LOL. Fuck you. What Gio and I have cannot be shared with just anyone.
Y: LOL. I don't know, man...think you should all dress up as the cast of Magic Mike 2 for Halloween.
Me: LOL. Haaaaaeeeeelllll NO. Just talk to him, tell him you were an idiot and move on. Life's too short, yo.
Y: After 33 years together, you probably deserve to hear this - you're right.
Me: lol And in another 33 years, you can tell me that again. Now, back to this chick he invited. Is she hot, single...?
Y: LMAO. You're such a whore.
Me: I'm asking for you! So you won't be overshadowed at your own wedding or something.
Y: LOL. "Or something". At least lie convincingly.
Me: LOL. I know, I'm awful. A disgrace to my gender.
Y: You're not the only one considering I can't make it down a damn aisle.
Me: You're right. You're the bigger disgrace. You should be ashamed.
Y: I should be ashamed?? You're trying to hit on a woman whose name you don't even know lol.
Me: lol Ya'll be funny. Thinking minor details like name and ish be important.
Y: lol Yes, I'm the bigger gender disappointment. Bc clearly you got a handle on the rest of your male traits. You impeccably manscaped caveman, you.
Me: ...I hope H leaves you and you end up alone.
Y: Hey, if I'm ending up there, you're ending up there.
Another pre-wedding crisis averted. On to the next.
