I'm Hearing What You Say But I Just Can't Make A Sound

I didn't sleep well last night. Or, rather I didn't get restful sleep. Yesterday was...interesting, to say the least. I wrote a few days ago (in a post since taken down) that I asked someone a question that I later realized was none of my business.  They partially answered it anyway,  choosing to save going into detail for a later time. While I respected this decision,  I can't say I didn't feel a little bait and switched because she'd basically dared me to ask, then decided she didn't want to answer. I made assumptions in my head as to what the answer(s) could be, but her reaction and sudden choice to not elaborate made me wonder something fierce about what she wasn't saying. In fact,  two days ago I worried on this very blog that it may be something major, and that worry led to a day of awkwardness between us. But the evening brought a discussion that put the awkward on the back burner,  and led into a pretty decent morning yesterday.  Then we got onto a topic that spiraled into very unexpected territory.  There was this lull in the conversation and some uneasiness,  then she told me she was going to explain why she'd held back a few days ago,  as well as tell me what she'd held back. I said, "Ok...", still half believing I knew what was coming next,  but now concerned it was something worse than what I'd thought.  When she finally came out with it, I didn't fully grasp what she was saying because I'm an idiot, but after Googling the term she used,  everything came into focus.  I went from, "Wait, what's that?", to, "...Ohhhh" in about five seconds. And it's a good thing she kept talking because I actually was speechless for awhile. I chimed in with one line/word responses here and there but found myself having the toughest time processing it. At the same time,  I wasn't judging her or making assumptions about something I truly knew almost nothing about.  I was just...thinking.  I hate to admit it, but mentally it was like a car screeched to a halt and I got very quiet, partially because I didn't know what to say. But I was able to get out that I appreciated her honesty because I'm sure it can't be an easy thing to share with anybody. She encouraged me to ask questions, which I did, to the point of feeling like I was in a living, breathing pamphlet about the subject.  My brain felt like a TV with a scrambled picture - you could hear bits and pieces of thoughts that wanted to come out, but not make out exactly what they were. She said she'd assumed I already suspected what she was going to tell me,  especially after the other day, but I had literally no idea it would be this.
While I respect the courage it took for her to share this with me, and Fonz knows I've yet to share the worst of my own ish with her, I can't help but still feel taken aback by it. I don't think any less of her as a person, nor do I share the view of certain jackasses in her past whose reactions were unnecessary, to say the least. My life has been one big lesson in how a lot of things are out of our control, as this thing was for her. I know it's not something terminal, and I am aware it could be far worse, but that doesn't mean it's any easier to take in. And I wish I could shut off certain parts of my brain that are thinking about things I shouldn't be, things that would be far off into the future should this progress. I've never been in this situation before,  but I don't think I'm handling it all that well. Sometimes I wish it were possible to just remove our thoughts and hand the jumbled mess they can become to another person and say, "Here, sort this out", so they get exactly how we're feeling. If only we could.