Com·pli·ment n.
1. An expression of praise, admiration, or congratulation.
2. To show fondness, regard, or respect for by giving a gift or performing a favor.
3. an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration.
I should start this post out by saying that I cannot take a compliment to save my life. I don't know why, but they make me uncomfortable. It really doesn't matter who is paying them; friends, girlfriends, family, strangers. I do my best to change the subject whenever compliments are paid to me. I'm sure it's annoying to the people who are paying them too. So much so that a number of my friends have stopped paying 'em at all. Others only pay 'em in writing (think a birthday or holiday card). One friend says that just because compliments make me uncomfortable doesn't mean she can't pay 'em to me. Another friend refuses to stop paying 'em at all and instead follows every one up with, "Just shut up and take the compliment." And I do. Because she's borderline scary when she says it. I guess it's weird that I don't like compliments since they're generally meant to make you feel good. When they're genuine (cuz let's face it, some aren't) they can turn your entire day around. Who doesn't wanna hear about how hot/nice they look or how smart/funny they are? Me, that's who. I have heard some crazy flattering things in my time and most were probably sincere (least that's the story I'm sticking to), so it would seem to make no sense for me to not be able to take compliments.
I was wracking my brain about why I can't just say "thank you" and move on when someone says something nice to me and I think I may have pinpointed the source of this quirk. When my ex-fiancee and I started dating we had a moment I still remember clear as day. We were wired after having had this amazing night out at an amusement park and we were sitting on this huge couch. I reached over the side to move something and when I looked back up she was staring at me. I said, "What?" in this tone of 'quit staring at me, weirdo' and she said, "You're just..." and she trailed off like she couldn't think of the word. A few seconds later she came back to finish her sentence, "...beautiful." I recoiled cuz I always thought of that as more of a chick word but then she explained that no other adjective was strong enough in her mind. That became her nickname for me as time went on and honestly, I kinda dug it. Then came the beyond bitter end and suddenly that word lost all meaning. She'd paid me so many compliments, both while dating and when we were just friends, but since our entire relationship had been a lie I now chalked them all up as lies.
Flash forward to '07 and my then-girlfriend and I cleaning up after brunch. I don't recall what I said or did to warrant it but she smiled at me and said, "You are such a beautiful man." Just hearing that word again took me back to my ex and almost made me sick. I explained my negative reaction to her and she thought for a second before saying she was gonna change the negative connotation that word had for me. And she did. And now that word doesn't bother me at all cuz I associate it with only good things. That same girlfriend also showered me with (sincere) compliments in an attempt to show me that not all compliments are lies. That part apparently didn't take at the time, but maybe there is hope after all.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine got her blog up and running and one of her first posts was about friends and singled out a handful of the people closest to her. I got my very own paragraph telling the world how much she loves me and as soon as I saw my name, I expected to be wildly uncomfortable while reading. Instead, it was a relatively painless process. Which was a total shock to me. This is how my paragraph ended; "Even as we stumble through our lives, he has restored my faith in everything from cupcakes to tool belts and kazoos...in men, in fathers, in fairytales and even the healing power of love." Now I don't know how I did all that (except for the cupcakes thing cuz everybody knows I love me some cupcakes), but it's flattering to know I've had an impact on her life. I think maybe it also didn't make me uncomfortable cuz of the comment about fathers. I have my issues and I'm far from perfect but I know I am a good dad. And it makes me happy that others can see I'm good at it. It's not like anyone else's opinion matters but the one area I've never squirmed about receiving compliments in is when they involve my daughter. So maybe there is some progress being made in this department.
The same friend who wrote about me in her blog also once told me that everybody is a work in progress and I'm no different. And I often think about those words when I get frustrated with myself. So I can honestly say she has had a big impact on my life as well. I mean, we fight like an old married couple and that won't ever change. But I know she has my back and she knows I have hers. In fact, I probably owe her more credit than I've given her so far cuz she's taught me that there's nothing wrong with stumbling through life. And just because you're stumbling doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Something I don't think I could've learned from anyone else and I am thankful for both her and the lesson. I have no problem paying compliments where they're due.
