Everyone's heard the so-called "relationship experts" (WTF is that anyway?) say that you should have a clear list of things you absolutely cannot live with in a long-term romantic relationship. These are called dealbreakers and it makes perfect sense to have them. In the other corner we have the much less discussed dealmakers or traits that you have to have in a relationship. Sound like the same thing? I thought so too but there is actually a difference. Dealmakers are the non-negotiable things that you look for from the start and if they're not there, you don't pursue the relationship. Dealbreakers are things you get into further down the line, usually when talk of long-term commitment comes into play. They still sound the same to me but more than a few friends have assured me that's not the case.
So as I lie awake in thought the other night, I wondered what my dealmakers and dealbreakers are. But I got sidetracked and started thinking about what exactly it is that draws me in, something most of the women I've dated have had in common. Well, they were all hot (a friend and I joked that 'hot' is the only requirement for our partners, which makes us sound like horny college kids). Or at least I thought they were hot at the time (looking back, there are a couple 'WTF was I thinking?!' moments in there). Beyond that, they were all generous, they weren't clingy and they challenged me. All of that drew me in but it also took smarts and her having her own life outside us to keep it going. So I guess those would be my dealmakers, right? Makes sense and I don't think any of them are outta control or unattainable.
The thing I've had trouble with is figuring out my dealbreakers. I'm sure I know them and have used them before but what they are escapes me at the moment. Oh yeah, here's one (maybe) - blab all our biz in the streets and that's a major dealbreaker. Our relationship is between you and me, not you and me and your friends. (I'm talking about in detail stuff, not saying she can't talk to anyone about what's going on). Someone who doesn't like kids wouldn't get a second look from me for obvious reasons but that was actually a dealbreaker even before I was a father. A relatively new dealbreaker would be someone who wants to get married or is on the fence about marriage. I was on the fence for awhile but now that I've officially crossed over to 'Nope', I couldn't be with anyone who was secretly hoping I would change my mind. I'm sure I'll think of other ones as I go along but those are the ones that jump out at me. I don't do lists of traits someone has to have cuz no one ever gets everything they want in a partner. But obviously there are things you're drawn to (consciously or not). But that's a post for another day, kids.
