Under the very best of circumstances, a no-strings sexual relationship is about both parties getting theirs and then going on about their days and lives. Sounds easy, sounds fun and the appeal is that it's uncomplicated. But as I explored in a recent post, it doesn't always work out that way. Feelings get caught, things get messy, and then someone gets hurt. There are all kinds of ways to try and do the sex without strings thing; friends with benefits, "taking a lover" (yeah, that term kinda makes me laugh too) and even just random hook-ups could all qualify. The danger of FWB is that you usually have to have a VERY strong friendship and foundation before you bring the sex into it or else you more often than end up not being friends when the sex stops. The appeal of just having a lover, not a friend really but just someone you're attracted to on a physical level, is that it seems to pose little threat since you seem so unconnected to each other. But that's no guarantee someone won't catch feelings. Random hook ups obviously pose potential higher health risks but almost no risk of feelings coming into play since they're usually not more than a once or twice thing.
I've done all three forms of supposed sex without strings and all have backfired (some rather fantastically) and blown up in my face. Whether it be catching feelings for someone I was only supposed to be a lover to or hurting a friend I cared about after they caught feelings for me, I think I've only had one situation where it ended up working out the way I wanted it to. But that is very rare. Going into something you're usually blinded by lust and you don't think it through and it works out great for awhile. But then something happens that inevitably changes things; you find out they're also sleeping with someone else, you find out they're dating other people or you just have too much time on your hands one day and start to wonder if what you're doing is really what you want. Once that change happens it's almost impossible to put the genie back in the bottle and keep hooking up without saying anything.
I guess all this rambling is my way of trying to make sense of the without strings scenario. I mean, deep down I don't want to just hook up anymore, I want a relationship and (if I'm lucky) love. But I still have fallen into hooking up with exes to fulfill immediate needs. I know that doesn't sync up at all. I don't know why. Add to that, this week I've talked to two friends about their current similar situations. One is on the fence about pursuing a no-strings relationship for similar reasons to mine, she wants a real relationship. Another started hooking up with a longtime friend and is insanely happy right now but I have a feeling he's gonna catch feelings and things are gonna get messy. I very much care about both of them, and I know they have to make their own decisions and all I can do is give advice when asked. But I don't know...it still kinda weighs on my mind I guess. As does my own issue with this subject and my apparent lack of committing to either the legit love thing or the wandering bachelor thing.
(EDIT: Make that three friends involved in these kinda situations)
