So I have this friend in the midst of a ridiculously long divorce and custody battle. It's a major source of stress obviously and I wish nothing but the best for her and her child but I can't help being struck by how stupid this particular court system is. I've written before about family court being useless, how judges make decisions about your child's life knowing little or nothing about the parties involved. This case could be the poster child for jaded judges and half-assed parents being rewarded for bothering to show up at all. The father of this kid, if I may be frank, is an ass. He knows how to get under the skin of this friend and he exploits whatever he can to try and maintain control over both mother and child. He's fighting for joint custody even though he's told this friend that he doesn't want the kid to live with him for any stretch of time. What he wants is basically what he has now; a couple of overnights and dinners a month. And he more often than not cancels the overnights. Basically it's all for show on his part, yet the court is praising him for being a part of the child's life while the mother, who has raised the kid on her own and had to track "dad" down for visits before this court business, is being admonished by the judge for refusing to play nice. It's as if this judge wants both parties to agree to joint custody so she can get this case off the docket and move on. Another day at the office, who cares how people's lives are affected. No concern about what's best for the child at all. That seriously pisses me off.
Chances are, no matter how the court rules, the ass is gonna be out the door and down the block before the ink is dry on the custody agreement. It's all for show, all for attention and, his contribution to the dragging out of the court process, is all about control. Somehow he's ended up with the upper hand and he's done nothing. This is one of those cases where you can do everything right and still get screwed, as this friend of mine has. The one who truly knows and wants what's best for the child is being threatened and harassed (by a judge, no less) for refusing to compromise. There's no reason for this judge to think that this is a case of one parent trying to force out the other one and she shouldn't be assuming that it is without any proof (proof in a court of law, what a concept). It also pisses me off that the court doesn't take any of this guy's bad behavior into account; the canceled visits, not really spending quality time with the kid when he does show up for a visit, not having a steady job. Not to mention the fact that the kid has had some behavior issues since the visits began and also has trouble behaving once she returns from them. *sigh* It sucks. It sucks that this is the only avenue there is to sort things out. It sucks that this judge can't do her job right. It sucks that this guy doesn't appreciate that his kid adores him and wants nothing but his attention. And it sucks that doing the right thing can bite you in the ass.
