Eat Fresh

Me: On my way, got the grub.
G: Did you make sure there's no lettuce on my sandwich?
Me: Yes.
G: Extra peppers?
Me: Yes. I know how to follow simple instructions, G.
G: Did you get the nookie?
Me: LMAO. Uh...they didn't offer me that, but I could definitely go back and ask.
G: LOL. Oh please do! I'll bail you out. Although I'm sure there's probably one or two sandwich ar-teests who would take you up on the offer.
Me: Nah, they were all old women. More your type.
G: lol Bastard.

A Great Day To Be Alive

It's been a brutal month for the family and I. Lots going on, lots of not so great stuff happening. And it would be very easy to linger in the negative. But that's not how I roll. I'm an eternal optimist by nature, even when my optimism is misplaced (as has been the case recently). I could go on about all the meh-ness happening right now, but it won't make me feel any better. It won't change things. Instead, I should be focusing on the good things going on. And one of those good things is that I'm even here to  experience any of the stuff, good or bad, that's going on. Twelve years ago on this day (and tomorrow too, actually), I died, albeit briefly. For whatever reason, I was brought back. This day is always odd for me. It comes just 48 hours after the anniversary of my girlfriend's passing, and about a week after my birthday. Some years I remember what day this is and some years I don't. This year was the latter. The best friend reminded me of it, she always remembers, and in doing so told me she's thankful I am still here. I heard that a few times today actually, that the people in my life are happy I'm alive. According to one of them, I'm a "fucking miracle". Meh. I'm nothing special, but it does the soul good to hear the people you love say how much they love you. And I adore all of them. In these past twelve years, I've become a father to a little girl I can't get enough of (til the teenage years, anyway). I've made amazing, ride or die kinda friends. I've pursued my passions, and made a career out of something I love to do. There have been bad experiences too of course but without the bad, we wouldn't know how to appreciate the good. I spent a good five of those years wanting to die and taking things out on myself. But then I found the second great love of my life in Miss N. And nothing compares with being a father, I love every minute of it. Had I stayed dead, I would have missed out on all of this. It's taken a long ass time to get to this POV, but I'm finally grateful that I came back too. And I'm looking forward to the next dozen or so years. Back in 2002, I couldn't have imagined I'd end up where I am now, or that I'd become the person I am. Twelve years from 2014? Who knows what that will be like. But I do know that in those next dozen years, I want to embrace the great things in life. I want to love and be loved, and be wide open to all the love that's meant to come my way. I hope to expand the brood and give Miss N some siblings. Most of all, I just want to be happy. There will be bad stuff and tests and negativity, those are all a part of life, but I will learn to take a breath, meditate on it and deal with it calmly. My optimism may occasionally be misplaced, but I'll gladly take that over having no optimism at all.

A Cold Day In Hell

G: So rumor has it Clooney is engaged. You better pick a partner and prepare for a wedding cuz hell is getting awful chilly.

Me: lol I'll wait and see how it plays out. Still don't believe it.

G: My mom says she doesn't think you'll ever get married because you don't know how to not flirt with women.

Me: Your mom also thought "Yeezus" was the Spanish pronunciation of "Jesus". Consider the source.

G: LMAO. Hey, I didn't say it was a theory without its flaws.

Uh Oh, Sidney's In Trouble

This is the most adorable, ridiculously cute thing I have ever seen in my life. I adore Miss N but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her to be more like this lad. His reaction at the game was adorable enough, but the lawnmower zamboni and national anthem were just over the top. If he didn't have parents who completely encourages his love of hockey, I'd adopt him.

Full story and video here.

Let's Hear It For The Ho

As many of those closest to me are aware, it's been a trying week for me. It really began on Sunday and it's been non-stop negativity since then. To top it all off, I've slept a grand total of twelve hours in the last five days. Hopefully, things start to turn around this weekend. I'm about at my limit with the lack of sleep and the only thing I want in the world right now is for my family's medical issues to stabilize. Good news is always welcome and right now it's desperately needed.

In the midst of the bad stuff this week, I still managed to turn 33. And honestly, I'm too tired to notice and/or care. But the people who love me did notice and care and sent birthday messages that helped me make it through this week. Thank y'all not only for the messages, but for listening to me and advising me throughout this past week. I don't know what I'd do without y'all. Some of my favorite birthday greetings are below.

Friend: Happy Birthday babe!!

Me: Thank you!

Friend: If you were here, I'd offer up some of my hot classmates for you to do whatever you pleased.

Me: lol So you did get me something, huh?

Friend: lol Yes. I sure did.

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Friend: It's your birthday! Mofo birthday hugs for my boo!!

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G: Let's hear it for the ho, lets give the whore a haaaaaaand. Let's hear it for Giuseppe. And all those one night staaaaaands. He's every wo-man's Romeo, five bucks and he'll be your loving one man show. OHHHHHHHHH-OHHHHHHH-OHHHHHHHHH-OHHH. Let's hear it for the booooooyyy. Happy Birthday homespice!

Me: LMAO. Your birthday greetings...are my favorite.

G: lol Well it's only once a year that I have to come up with material, so that helps.

Me: lol What about everyone else's birthday?

G: I just steal shit from Hallmark for them. But for you, I write songs. Because we have special bondage.

Me: LOL. You knew just what I wanted for my birthday, didn't you?

G: lol Yessir.

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Mama T: Happy Birthday! Take a break from the crazy stuff tonight and find some hot tail!

Me: lol Um...thank you. It's not a birthday until my child's grandmother tells me to go have some sex.

Mama T: I can be young and hip. I know what the kids do.

==========

Miss N's Mom: My mom is going to text you something you don't want to hear from an older woman so be on the lookout.

Me: lol Yeah, you're about thirty seconds too late.

MNM: lol Tell me she omitted the tail thing...

Me: Negative. She also went on to sake me if I still date "older ladies" now that a 15-year age gap means they'd be pushing 50.

MNM: LOL. Damn. Wait...did my mom hit on you?

Me: lol I sure hope not. Last I checked, none of us are from redneck country.

MNM: We were a couple...then we were friends...then lovers...then parents...and now step-family.

Me: Well there was really nowhere left for us to go, huh?

MNM: Oh btw, Happy Birthday! And thanks for the child. Not so much for becoming our girl's granddaddy.

==========

Crazy Aunt: Happy Birthday, mijo!! I'm glad you ruined everyone's plans and were born 33 years ago.

Cousin: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE! Love you.

Crazy Aunt: I love you very much too. You're my favorite nephew.

Cousin: Hey!

Crazy Aunt: Your birthday is in July, you can be my favorite nephew then.

Crazy Aunt: (Not really though. You've always been my favorite, Giuseppe.

Cousin: You're still in the group text you vile old bat.

Crazy Aunt: Oh. Oh well.

Me: LMAO. Happy Birthday to me.

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Friend: Happy Birthday to my best friend, business partner and juice box sipping, helmut wearing, Fonz worshipping other half. You are the Milli to my Vanilli, the filling to me Oreo cookie, the fourth period to my hockey game. I adore you Giuseppe!

Thank y'all for the support and the much needed laughs.

We're Here, We're (Openly) Queer...Now What?

My cousin is having a bit of a crisis at the moment. His on-again/off-again boyfriend has given him a ultimatum - either they're monogamous and committed to each other for life, or they part ways altogether. Usually, I am vehemently opposed to ultimatums, I will walk away before I respond to one myself, but the cousin is different. Ultimatums seem to be the only way he can actually make decisions. And frankly, he deserves to be served up an ultimatum when it comes to that relationship. The cousin, N, dated girls all through high school and college. In his senior year of college, he told the family he was taking a hiatus from dating, but was actually dating a guy. The guy was ten years older and sure he was gay but was still in the closet. N wasn't sure if he was experimenting or if he was gay so he also remained closeted. After a year together, the cousin decided to come out to the family and we all know how that went. He still downplayed the relationship though because the other dude wasn't ready to be out, and that's what ultimately did them in. Once they split, N hit the dating scene as a proud gay dude for the first time. He was looking forward to dating and finally being comfortable in his own skin when M entered the picture. M was out-ish (to friends and family, not to work folk) and, unbeknownst to N, was totally his type. They started dating but from the beginning there were issues, the main one being that N had no business attempting to be in a committed relationship. He still wanted to date around, but he also wanted M. Since then, almost eight years now, they have done a lot of "are we or aren't we" about the state of their union. They've run the gamut; been "engaged", been broken up, been happily together, been unhappily together and even tried an open relationship. All of this at N's discretion. Finally, M decided he was no longer going to let N breeze in and out of the relationship whenever the mood suits him. He told him they are either engaged or they are done, and this time it's for good. There's no real time frame for N to decide, but I'm sure M isn't going to give it more than a week or so.
I was talking to a friend about all this yesterday and we agreed that the way you feel when you hear that someone you love is about to jump ship is the guiding factor in determining how you react. If someone tells you they're about to peace out and your reaction is basically, 'meh' then you're likely not going to do anything to keep them. But if your reaction is something along the lines of your stomach churning or your chest hurting or some kind of instant emotion, chances are you are going to kick it into gear and make an effort. N was incredibly distraught when he told me about everything going on so I have to think he's a part of the latter group. For all his faults, the one thing he will not do is let someone he truly loves walk away. And I know he loves M. I think part of the reason he's continued to screw around is because M never really put his foot down about it before. It wasn't that he necessarily wanted to keep doing it, it was just that he was allowed to do it. He did it because he could, in other words. And now he has to make a choice; continue to live that way, and do it alone, or commit to someone that adores him and stop screwing around. The fam and I are rooting for the second scenario because we all love M, but obviously we'll support whatever choice N makes. Except for Crazy Aunt. She wants a gay wedding and this is her one shot. So really the choice is commit or face certain death at Crazy Aunt's hands. Choose wisely, yo...

Hey Girl...Wanna See My Swatch?

On the way home from the hospital yesterday, I saw a bumper sticker that simply said, "Question Circumcision". No website, no organizational logo. Just those two words. I thought it was hilarious and quite timely and texted a friend about it. And then...

Me: I saw the oddest bumper sticker ok the way home from the hospital. It just said "Question circumcision" and nothing else.
Friend: Huh...I think an uncircumcised gizmo looks weird
Me: I mean, nobody's business is attractive, male or female. But the uncircumcised ones are especially ugly.
Friend: Yup, doesn't help if the dude is small either. It looks...like a fleshy turtleneck sweater.
Me: Y dated some fool last year who said he was "in the process of reclaiming" his foreskin.
Me: Like wtf does that even mean? Do you use donor skin? And how do you get a color match
Friend: LOL they have color swatches
Friend: Like you're picking out fuckin' paint
Me: LOL YES!!
Me: They come in little sheaths so you can slide it over and see how it looks and ish
Me: Or you can use their virtual foreskin studio on the website and upload your Johnson
Friend: Groooooooooss LOL try before you buy
Me: lol like color samplers for paint. Color sheaths for foreskin
Friend: Eeeeeeeewwww
Me: Indeed

If foreskin color sampling isn't what Easter is all about then I don't know what Easter is all about.

But I'm Afraid When I Hear Stories About A Husband And Wife, There's No Happy Endings

Me: I don't think you should be married if you need to tell each other that mutual masturbation and oral sex with other people are a no no.
W: LMAO

Oh, marriage. The above exchange took place while discussing a celebrity divorce and reconciliation (and now apparently divorce, again) and not long after that convo, I ended up debating the marriage thing with Crazy Aunt. Lemme break down Crazy Aunt's dating history for you; she was married once, then divorced, remarried and had two kids, divorced, was engaged a third time but didn't get hitched and has since gotten her groove back by dating several, usually younger, men. And this woman is lecturing me on marriage (god, I adore my family. Just for ish like this).  In spite of having two strikes on her record and vowing to never vow marriage again, she still thinks "it's something everyone should try once". Like it's a pastry or something. Try a little marriage and if you don't like it, then don't do it again. When I asked why she remarried, she said her second husband was the love of her life. Their problem was that he still wanted to have his other affairs and she wasn't gonna stick around for that. They divorced but remained really good friends until he passed away. She was engaged at that time and his passing sort of opened her eyes to the fact that she'd never love anyone the way she loved him and so she decided not to marry again. Maybe her attempt to hitch the rest of us is some sort of vicarious living.
Crazy Aunt is usually on my side of the marriage debate but I think my mom got to her because now she's turned on me. My mom is not shy about letting everyone know that the one thing she wants for me is to "settle down" and get married. But honestly, I think a large part of her reasoning for that is that she worries. She sees the siblings both essentially hitched and happy with kids and she's concerned that I'm not going to have the same thing. And I've thought about that too. Maybe my shot was back in my early twenties and it's just not meant to be now. But obviously that fear isn't a reason to jump into a marriage. Crazy Aunt posed this question to me: "What would it take to get you down an aisle?". I love how it was thrown out there like she's the marriage equivalent of a new car salesman. I'm sure she would've been willing to haggle too, if it'd make a difference. But it did make me think. I've seen friends I never thought would take the plunge decide to go for it the last few months. However, I've also had a couple of friends who I thought would be in marriages that lasted forever split up. The idea of divorce doesn't scare me, the idea of marriage does. Sometimes I don't think it'd take much for me to suit up and get hitched but most days...meh. But I'm not really in a place where that'd be an option anyway.
Crazy Aunt's theory is this: There are two kinds of people in the world, those who should be married and those who shouldn't. If you want to continue to have your dalliances and can't be sure of what the line between faithful and unfaithful is, then you shouldn't be married. Have your affairs, do whatever you want on your own time but don't bring a wife and kids into your drama. If you want that whole happy family thing with stability and children, then you should be married. But only if you're truly committed to doing whatever it takes to make those things work. The problem with Crazy Aunt and her second Mister was that she was one of those who should be married and he was one who shouldn't have been. They adored each other but they were incompatible maritally. That makes me wonder what you're supposed to do when that happens. Is it just doomed from the start? It also made me wonder which of those I am. I kinda fall in between. Not in that I want to have affairs or anything, if I ever did get hitched, those vows would be serious as a heart attack. But just that I'm not all in on the idea of the happy family. Still, I've heard many times that I "should" be married and I don't know where that comes from or what it means. Crazy Aunt said this to me and I asked her about it. She said her reason for thinking I should get married is that I'd make a good husband. When I shuddered at the thought, she slapped my arm and told me I should stop being so stubborn and open myself up the idea of marriage. Then she listed a bunch of reasons why I'd enjoy it but I didn't pay much attention.
As Crazy Aunt was finishing up her marriage talk, I shared this story with her. A friend and I got fake "married" on Facebook (of all places) awhile back so someone on her wall would stop trying to convince her to go to singles functions. Yesterday, I had to go into my junk email folder to retrieve something and noticed a message from Facebook that said, "It's [so and so's] anniversary!". I was confused by what they meant since her birthday has already come and gone and there are no other relevant anniversaries to speak of this month. I went to Facebook and scoured her page for any hint of what anniversary the thing was talking about, but it didn't specify anything. It just said at the top of every page that it was her anniversary. Then I went to my page and realized it was talking about the anniversary of our "marriage". What's worse is the email they'd sent was a week old. Now, if I can't even remember when I wifed my fake wife, I don't think I'm in any position to wife a real wife. Crazy Aunt's reply? "Mijo, I never remembered when I married my husbands either. That's no excuse.". That woman has an answer for everything.
My view on relationships is more like the following song than it is traditional marriage. Just be cray cray in love and have a gang of kids and give no fucks about anything else. That's what the sister and bro-in-law have done and it's worked just fine through 16 years and three kids. That's what I want. I may get all mushy about the marriage thing sometimes; the vows, the ceremony, proposing, etc. But that don't mean I'm actually interested in doing any of it myself (although I'm not opposed to a sort of permanent engagement). I don't see the big deal. If you decide to commit to each other and build a family, then that's it. You don't need anything more to solidify that. I get why my mom and aunts want me to get hitched, but it's not for everyone. If I'm meant to travel that path someday, then it will happen in it's time. If not, then that's just fine too.

Smells Like (Drunken) Team Spirit

Today is the day, my friends. Today my beloved Colorado Avalanche return to the playoffs after a three year absence (that felt like a decade). And they didn't just barely get in, as many thought would be the case. They won their division on the last day of the season and enter the playoffs as the second best team in the Western Conference (they fell just two points short of winning the entire West). The Avs went from worst to first in one hell of a historic turnaround. And I am tres excited for this evening. As previously mentioned, I have committed to growing a playoff beard, which is a tradition amongst players in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. The reaction to my decision has been mixed, but my mom just strengthened my resolve to go through with it. For the first time in eons, my family is having an Easter celebration and mi madre, slick as she is, is using Jesus to try and guilt me into aborting my plan. She doesn't want me to, and this is a direct quote, "look like a creepy hobo" for Easter Sunday. Well, you know what? Jesus heself looked like a creepy hobo back in his heyday. And we're supposedly made in his image so...take that. The playoff beard is coming and I will look like a hobo on Easter. And I will be damn proud of it. DAMN PROUD, I SAY!
I shall leave you with the best laugh I have had in the past 24 hours and it came courtesy of our old friend Agent W. She was out having a few drinks and the Anaheim playoff game just happened to be on the television. I wasn't watching it at that moment but got updates from her, including this one:

W: One of the Ducks just took a puck to the face...ouchie
Me: lol Yeah, I'm sure "ouchie" was his first thought too
W: It looked like he thought "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
Me: Maybe. But from now on when someone takes a puck to the face, I'ma hear "ouchie" in my head
W: lol You are welcome

An hour and, I assume, a few drinks later, came this:

Me: Who won?
W: Ducks were up 4 to 3 when we left during 4th
W: Or not
W: I was pretty buzzed
W: I think they won
Me: LMAO. W, there is no "4th" in hockey
Me: That was...special
(the next morning)
W: I knew that.

Oh...good times. That said, I look forward to three periods of awesomeness tonight when the Avs take the ice.

Beard Is The Word

I've decided to grow a playoff beard in honor of my beloved Colorado Avalanche returning to the NHL playoffs. The reaction I've received thus far:

Mom: No.

Brother: I hope they go to the Final. You'll look like a vagrant.

Y: You'll still look like you're 25, even with the beard. Bitch.

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Uncle: Even if they make the Final, it still won't be as impressive as my playoff beard.

Me: It'll be less grey though.

Uncle: Smartass.

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Friend: You had one when we dated and I liked it. Wait...did you? 

Me: LOL. Uh...no. That wasn't me.

Friend: LMAO. Oh. Well then I look forward to seeing how you look with one.

Cheater, Cheater

As I mentioned in my psychic post, A gets the rest of us hooked on some weird stuff. She's a reality TV devotee but refuses to watch what she deems "trash" networks like E! and Bravo. But if someone has five wives, marital troubles or 19 kids, she's there. Last year, she got all of us hooked on a show about the family life of a pair of singers. Neither of them are all that likable so I tuned out late in the first season. However, I'm right back there in front of the TV for this season because there is high drama going on and I'm baffled about how it's all being handled. Both these chicks are married with kids and a big part of the show is portraying the happy families they successfully balance along with careers. But all is not as it seems with one of them. it came out last year that her husband had an affair with a "family friend" (some friend, huh?), but that she was committed to working on their marriage and learning how to get through it all. For reasons I don't fully understand, she was the one who put all of this out there in public (either for attention or because someone was threatening to leak the story) during an interview. The drama kicked in when her husband confessed that he hadn't stepped out on her only once. It was, in his own words, "countless affairs" that had taken place throughout the entire marriage. All of this going on while she was on the road and while they continued to have children (four in all, I think). And he waited to come clean about it until she'd already given her interview and after they'd been working on the marriage for a few months, or so she thought. It opened up a whole new can of worms about whether or not forgiveness was actually possible.
The episodes of this show that I've seen from this season rubbed me the wrong way. They started out by talking about the marital discord and she went on and on about how her husband loved her and how she was working to forgive. But he never seemed to be working for anything. He came off as 'meh' as ever, while she canceled this work thing or that one and bought new clothes and tried to lose baby weight, as if she was the one who needed to repent. I don't even remember hearing the words, "I'm sorry" leave his lips. It was odd. He fucked up majorly, yet she was doing all the work in trying to repair the marriage. During this time, we found out that her sister had also been cheated on by her husband in the past and they'd "worked through it". The sister's advice was to do the same - work through it and forgive. And she seemed to be headed down that path, until her husband confessed to all of his affairs. Whatever they'd been rebuilding all crumbled down and found it hard to take that her entire marriage was basically a lie. She'd been sort of half-hearted while proclaiming to the cameras how much her husband loved her and how apologetic he was for what he'd done, so the revelation that there was much more to story sent her into meltdown mode. She stopped speaking to him for a few and the jackass has the balls to call his sister-in-law and say he's "concerned" about what her refusal to speak to him might mean for the marriage. STILL not one damn apology. First of all, how could you continuously step out on your wife and children, and second how are you not living on your damn knees begging her not to leave your sorry ass? It's one thing to cheat on a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but to cheat on your spouse, someone you took vows with, someone you committed to for the rest of your life, is just the ultimate betrayal. I know it's a bit of an old-fashioned notion these days, but those marriage vows should be taken as seriously as a heart attack, and even more so if you've created a family together. I don't get this fool and his thinking at all. It's almost as if he thought this would just be a ripple in the marriage and she'd get over it and they'd move on. Like he was entitled to cheat because she was working. And the sad thing is that she seemed to believe that too and blamed herself for his stepping out.
Perhaps the craziest part of this whole fiasco is that her family are adamant that she has to stay in the marriage. This is a 30-something woman with a mess of kids who is being told by her family that she can't leave her marriage, ya'll. Her mom reacts to the news with absolutely no surprise and flat out tells her that it's gonna hurt like hell while she gets over his infidelity, and that she should let him know how badly she's hurting every chance she gets, but that she'll get past it and the marriage will continue. Why? Because men cheat and forgiving and forgetting is their cross to bear as wives. (Apparently mom and dad were married and divorced to each other three different times. Gee, I wonder why. Children do indeed learn what they live.) WHAT. THE. FUCK. How on earth do you raise your daughters to believe they don't deserve better than a cheater?? How do you tell them to go back to a man that betrayed them on numerous occasions and didn't even come clean about it? The only reason she found out about the adultery is because someone else told her, he didn't even have the cojones to tell her, which means he probably never intended to stop cheating had he not been caught. On top of all that, nobody knows exactly what he may have picked up while he was sleeping with other women. His wife, and possibly even his children, will need to be tested for various diseases. You just cannot trust somebody who has absolutely no remorse about doing that to you and your children. And this is a chick who turned down absurd amounts of money for concerts so that she could reconnect with him because he whined that he didn't get enough attention (he also bitched when they got pregnant for a fourth time, claiming he didn't want another kid. If that's the case, you shoulda got fixed).
And he still stepped out. And, apparently, they're still married. She says she was ready for divorce until her mother and sister sat her down and told her about how they overcame their husbands infidelities. It's some sort of weird Christian thing to do so, I guess. But I'd love to know what the circumstances of those other husband's infidelities were. Were they a one time thing or a string of constant affairs? Did they come clean or did they have to be found out? Were they apologetic? (I'm guessing their father was a habitual cheater, given the three divorces and re-marriages). This may be a different circumstance. One time is a betrayal and is a lot to try and overcome but finding out the last decade of your life was a complete lie is something else. Still, it is ridiculous to just say, "Oh yeah, men cheat, deal with it" and expect everything to move forward.
My mother has always said that if someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. She also says, "once a cheater, always a cheater". I fully subscribe to the former, but I'm conflicted about the latter. I think it depends on what the circumstances of the affair were. It was a youthful indiscretion in high school or college and it happened only once, then I don't believe it brands someone a cheater forever. BUT I think that in that situation, the person learns a lot more and becomes a better, more faithful partner in the future if they lose the person they cheated on. You either empathize with what you did to them and you never do it again, or you see nothing wrong with what you did and continue to cheat in the future. A former colleague of mine cheated on a boyfriend when she was like 19, felt horribly about it and never did it again, yet her husband constantly brought it up when they fought, even though they married a decade after the indiscretion. He had no reason to bring it up, he just did it for kicks, as if that's all she was ever going to be was a cheater. Ironically, they divorced last year because HE had an affair. I'm not saying I'd put up with a cheater now, but I wouldn't think anything less of a person if they had something like this in their past. Everybody comes with baggage. However, it's sort of impossible to make a blanket statement about what you'd do if you were ever cheated on unless you've been there. My ex-fiancee had an ongoing affair that pre-dated us and continued throughout our time together. She left without saying why but eventually came clean about it all and I was completely thrown for a loop. I always believed I would escort a cheater to the door and never look back, yet I found myself trying to justify her behavior and find a way to get through it and come out the other side together. You won't believe the shit you try and tell yourself to reason your way back into the relationship. We even briefly reunited, although not as a couple, more like a couple of one nighters. It was those nights that made me realize how cold blooded she was about the whole thing. Instead of being genuinely apologetic and telling me what she wanted, she tried to flip flop - be his girlfriend and keep me on the side. That's when I got my wake up call and made my exit. And it sort of prompted me to reexamine my views on cheating a bit. But I do know that if someone stepped out on me the way this fucker did his wife, especially if we were married, it would be lights out. I couldn't trust someone who'd betrayed me like that. It's unfortunate that some people choose to stick around because they don't think they deserve better.

All The Broken Hearts In The World Still Beat, Let's Not Make It Harder Than It Has To Be

Pandora seems to be bringing me all of my Friday posts lately, not that I'm complaining. Unfortunately, I was a little late to the Pandora party so I don't have as extensive a list of stations as my friends do. I used Spotify until I got a smartphone and had no space for my own songs and no desire to pay $10 a month to listen to Spotify on said smartphone. I had no intention of paying for Pandora either, but the first time I saw a video ad pop up, I willingly purchased a subscription (which is half the price of Spotify). As I add new stations and thumbs up and down a million songs, Pandora is supposedly getting a better understanding of who I am as a music lover. And that explains why it played Buddy Holly and Snoop Dogg back to back. And after that, it played this song. I'd never heard it before but took an instant shine to it and now here I is posting it to the blog. Thanks, Pandora!

Walk O' Shame

There are few things as awkward as the one night stand. You spend half the night trying to hook up with someone you barely know, or don't know at all, or maybe even know but you're too drunk to remember you know them. You go home together and get it on. And then...well, and then what? You could leave, but chicks tend to not like that. You could talk, but it's a little awkward to casually chat when your business is all out in the open. You could run from her husband/his wife and end up on a show on Investigation Discovery. But none of those options are all that appealing. And the real kicker is, what's inappropriate and rude to one person is perfectly okay to other, and there's no way to gauge which is which. And so, we all just continue to mosey along and fake it til we make it through the awkwardness that happens after the deed is done. And some of us do a better job of it than others.
As evidenced on Twitter and in a post from a few days ago, someone I know (nickname not given to protect the stupid) fumbled epically in the aftermath of a one night stand. It's not that he's awkward with the womensz or anything, not usually anyway. He was just in a relationship for a long time, took about a year to mourn the end of it and is just now getting back into the dating scene. And it ain't easy. We went out the other night and he started talking to this chick and they were really into each other. One thing led to another and he ended up going home with her. The next day, he wakes up and she's in the other room so he goes out there and the first thing he says to her is, "Wow, I slept great. Where did you get those sheets?". *sigh*...Needless to say, she hasn't returned his calls since. I fell half bad for him because I know he's just getting back out there, but I also could not help but laugh hysterically at the whole thing. Of course, manwhore extraordinaire that I am, I shouldn't be judging or laughing at him. I should be schoolin' the lad.
Shockingly, this whole situation has become THE topic of conversation amongst my peeps and I the past 48 hours, a large part of the convo being about what exactly is appropriate to say and not say after a one nighter. I mean, it is awkward once the lust subsides and the deed is done and you realize you don't really know, and maybe don't even really like, the person you're with at that moment. The topic has prompted some hilariousness though (but don't all of our topics?). One friend remembered tucking a guy in after a one night stand (they never reconnected after that...not sure why, sounds like it went great). Another couldn't remember the name of the dude she'd just slept with because she'd been trying to hook up with someone else during the course of the evening. The worst one nighter I ever had was with a chick who was a talker. She was hot, but she talked and talked and talked ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Until we got back to her place, then she finally stopped talking. Until we'd done the deed. Literally five minutes after it was over, she asked me if I'd seen an episode of a particular reality show. I sat there in stunned, awkward silence which she apparently took to mean, "Please continue talking to me about this show I don't care about". Ten minutes later I made up some excuse about having to be up early the next day and she left and we never spoke again. And now, the friends and I have compiled a list of things you never want to hear after a one night stand. (Can you believe we do all of this ridiculousness AND still have full-time jobs and families? I know, I can't either).

1) "The money is on the dresser"
2) "Wait, was it you I told about that whole positive test thing or was it my first choice I told about that?"
3) "Well...my wife/husband will be home soon so you should go."
4) "You don't watch 'America's Most Wanted' by any chance, do you?"
5) "I thought those were bigger."
6) "I assumed that would be bigger."
7) "And your name was...?"
8) "Wow. You are way more flexible than your mom/sister/grandma."
9) "Shhh! My parents could wake up any minute!"
10) "You mind if I chill out here for awhile? I think the manhunt should definitely be over by morning."
11) Anything pertaining to marriage in any way, shape or form (surprisingly, this was a popular answer)
12) A poem of any kind

And my favorite of all-time:

"Now that I have your attention, can I introduce you to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

The Good Husband (Well, Good-ish)

Me: But she was...young. Still in school.
G: Liiiiike....med school young? Or law school young? Or pre-school young?
Me: What was that last one again? lol
G: Are you serious? You suck. You get hit on by college chicks all the damn time.
R: Jackass
E: WORD!
Me: Do not
G: Do too. Bitch.
Me: LOL. Don't hold back now.
G: lol Seriously dude. All I get are elderly women telling me I look like a nice young man. THAT is my version of getting hit on by college chicks.
Y: LMAO Wow
R: LOL Did she at least stroke her cane as she said it? Cuz that right there is old people's first base.
Me: LMAO. Some older woman asked me to get something off a high shelf at the store the other day...
G: Yeah and I'm sure after you got that thing off a high shelf, she gave you her number. Or like offered herself up for sex in the produce section.
E: lol I think he already had sex in the produce section...
G: Fuck you and your half-assed attempts to make me feel less hideous, Giuseppe lol
Me: LOL. Yeah, DEFINITELY wouldn't do that in the produce section.
G: lol I'm glad everyone finds it hilarious that only old women hit on me.
R: You're MARRIED dude.
G: Yeah...but I thought people were supposed to be more attractive when they got hitched or were committed or some shit like that.
A: lol Ever the romantic and devoted husband...
G: lol I love my Missus, ya'll know that. I don't wanna date or cheat or anything. But I was under the impression this ring on my finger would make me purtier.
Y: I got hit on more often when I was married.
R: I'm technically engaged and I get approached every so often.
A: I don't even wear his ring much and I got hit on last week.
Me: I am neither of those things and get hit on by hot college girls ALL THE TIME.
G: Well fuck all ya'll then lol
E: Maybe your attractiveness level will spike now that you've thrown a bitch fit about how unattractive you are.
G: I didn't say I was unattractive...
E: Oh. Ooops.
Y: I don't know about everyone else, but I feel so much better about my life after this convo.
Me: lol And how.

Wanna Be Starting Something

Nothing like a little blackmail from your child's godmother to celebrate her 6th birthday (Miss N's birthday, not her evil, soon-to-be EX, Nina).

Y: Do me a favor?
Me: No.
Y: Jerk. This is why I have to blackmail you...
Me: ...What do you have?
Y: A photo...from before high school...of a young man with a wicked haircut...scrawny arms...
Me: *GASP* What are your terms??
Y: Bring me Starbucks.
Me: lol That's it? That's your favor?
Y: Yeah. The blackmail was just for kicks lol
Me: LOL. You are cruel. Do you even actually have anything blackmail-worthy?
Y: Oh yes, love. I just went through a box of my mom's stuff and randomly found one of your childhood sports pictures stuffed in the bottom. Like someone just shoved it in there to avoid others ever seeing it...
Me: Hey, I can't help it if your mom also thought it was a terrible picture and just stashed it in a box.
Y: lol Uh huh
Me: I know where all your bodies are buried too, my friend...
Y: #ShotsFired

How Wonderful Life Is While You're In The World

Oh, Miss N. Today you are six years young (believe me, you'll appreciate the "young" part someday). And I'll be honest...daddy is having some trouble coping with that. See, the older you get, the more independent you become. And I don't like that. At all. Because eventually you'll be out of the house and on your own and I'll be an old man. And I'm not sure which of those things upsets me more, but I digress. When I was about your age, I vaguely remember a friend of your grandma's being pregnant and going to her baby shower. Everybody there asked her whether she wanted a boy or a girl and she said she wanted a daughter that she could play dolls with and dress up with. Her husband wanted a boy, of course, because he wanted to go to baseball games and play with toy trucks. For awhile, I thought it was just a given that women wanted daughters and men wanted sons and that if either didn't get what they wanted, they were less happy about being a parent. I used to dream about having a family, preferably with three kids just like mine. Because that's what I thought you were supposed to do; grow up, go to college, get a job and then get married and have children. But the older you get, the more you realize that life has its own plans for you, and that you can want or not want any of those things. Some people dream of having this kind of child or that kind and some believe, or hope is maybe a better word, that their child will be a carbon copy of them. Even though I used to want a mess of kids, I never once thought about what they would be like or what characteristics they would have. But I did always believe that when I chose to have a child, it would be because I was so in love with someone that I wanted to see their characteristics, not my own, in the little being we would create. I think that is a huge expression of love, when you love someone so much that you just want to clone them, in a way. I still believe that will happen someday. And it's happened before too. It's what brought you to me.
Your mother and I once went through that phase of wanting to clone each other, albeit briefly. We were happy for awhile, we even tried to have you for awhile. But the timing wasn't right for us so we took some time apart. I'd always known your mom would be the mother of all mothers because she's warm and affectionate and was looking forward to having children. Most people look forward to the good stuff and forget about the sleepless nights and teething and incessant crying, but your mom was even looking forward to that. I always knew she would be a wonderful mother and that's why it was difficult for me to really get past our split. I didn't know if it was for good, but a part of me hoped it wasn't and really even felt like it wasn't. I just knew we had more road to run. And obviously we did. It took longer than we thought, and it wasn't under ideal circumstances, but something brought us back together and then you came along. And your mom and I became "those people" I mentioned in the beginning of this post who have all of these dreams and aspirations for their kids. Sort of. We both had hopes for what you would be; an artist, a singer, a writer. Clearly, we favor the arts as a profession, but it's up to you to choose what you wanna be (I'm not lobbying for writer AT ALL, and your mom is certainly not pushing for you to be an artist). I don't remember either of us having any vision of what you should look like, how your personality should be. She never cared if you were a boy or a girl. Admittedly, I did care. I wanted a girl. I always wondered why fathers only took their sons to games and didn't have tea parties with their daughters. I believe it's just as much fun to take a girl to a sporting event or hell, even play tea party with your sons. Who cares? Your kids will want to play how they want to play and there's no reason to try and change them (provided they play safely, of course). I could not wait to take you to hockey and baseball and football games. I couldn't wait to have tea parties with you. In my own way, I looked forward to the mundane and difficult parts of parenthood just as much your mom did. And I've enjoyed every second of it. I never believed in love at first sight before you came along because it's not possible to fully love someone and all of their faults when you don't yet know everything about them. But you...you are the only case of love at first sight I've ever had. I think that's the only possible way to have love at first sight, is when you first lay eyes on your children. You don't know them at all, but your entire purpose becomes being a good parent to them and letting them know they will always be loved unconditionally. And I hope you know that. I hope you know your mom and I adore you beyond belief and will always support you, no matter what path you choose in life, no matter who you become (*cough* writer *cough*). You are and always will be priority one. You're a very lucky little girl. Your mom and her family and daddy and his family all love you so much, and I hope you never forget how blessed you are to have these weirdos in your life. I no longer want three kids, but if I ever do have another one, I kinda hope it's a boy so I don't have choose a favorite daughter (but don't tell your sister that, if you end up with one).
The first years of your life, you were all daddy in temperament and preferences and attitude. But, as you get older, you look more and more like your mom and some of your personality reminds me of your grandmas. Still, there are things we have in common. You worship at the altar of the Reese's Peanut Butter cup, just like I do (although not right now since we gave up candy for Lent). You like to color and you're much better at staying in the lines than I am. And, just recently, you've taken a shine to hockey. HOCKEY! You asked me if we could go to a game the other day. Unfortunately, you asked that after the last home game of the season for the Avalanche. But that's okay, we will work on your timing and make sure you know what months have hockey. And even if it's just a phase, I'm still going to take in every minute of it. And, regardless of what your mom says, I will not love you less if you fall out of love with hockey. Okay, well I will try to not love you less (I kid, I kid!). You, Miss N, are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I work hard everyday to try and be the best dad I can for you because you deserve that.

HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY, GORGEOUS!

Dia De Los Short Bus

These conversations both happened this morning:

My sister-in-law's baby shower was last weekend and my mom a cake for it. Agent W asked for the recipe, which I sent her last night. I had a feeling she'd have questions about it. And she did.

W: Thank you for the recipe, I'm having trouble visualizing it but I'm going to give it a shot
Me: I can send you a pic
W: That'd be great! The "layers" confuse me. I was thinking it would be presented as one normal size cake when done. But it sounds like, due to the small portions of the loaf, that it would be prepared serving by serving 
Me: Yeah, you put it all in one dish so it looks purty
W: Oh. Huh. How does that work out? I mean cuz short cake loaves are oddly shaped and don't cover the whole plate 
Me: I just sent you some pics
Me: You could do one piece per plate too if you wanted to I guess. For the shower, my mom used little ramekin type things and cubed the cake, then put the cream and peaches
W: Note to self: Google ramekin 
Me: It's the thing they put creme brulee in, basically a tiny-ish bowl
Me: Just look at the pictures lol
W: I looked at the pictures and I didn't see no stinki'n creme brulee dishes 
Me: Those aren't the ones that she made that way. That's the full size cake she made
Me: You know what, just put some peaches on the cake, dip it in the pudding and call it a day
Me: lol This convo has taught me that I shall never be cut out to work the Butterball Turkey Helpline
W: Harumph
W: I can't help that I'm a dumb ass, but thanks abreast 
W: ***ANYWAY 
Me: LOL
W: I'm going to sit down before I hurt myself 
Me: Houston, we have detected the problem
W: lol shut up damn you
W: That cake thing killed my brain.
W: I just tried to unlock the wrong car 
Me: LOL Jesus. BUT did you try to unlock the correct side of the car? I feel the need to ask given...well, you know [On another short bus day, she argued with me that the driver's side of her car was on the right side, not the left]
W: LOL the car opens with a clicker, not a key, so I just pushed the clicker thinking the car would be open and then I tried the handle and realized it wasn't my car 

=================

I posted this status to Twitter this morning: "You know you're old as fuck when you say, "I slept great, where did you get those sheets?" after a one nighter." #GladItWasn'tMe

G: LMAO! Did you really??
Me: ...You're gonna have to be more specific lol
G: The one night stand thing on Twitter dude
Me: ...Uh, read it again.
G: I read it twice, it's hilarious. I'm asking whether you actually did it.
Me: Read the full status update, G.
G: I. Read. It. Is. It. True. Wtf if your problem? lol
Me: There's what the kids call a "hashtag" at the end of that status. What did it say?
G: That it wasn't you.
Me: Correct
G: So you didn't really say that?
Me: LMAO. G...Glad it wasn't mean meant I was GLAD IT WAS NOT ME.
G: LMAO. Oh. Duh.

If I Have Your Attention, I'll Tell You What I've Learned, In Spite Of Good Intentions, It's Easy To Get Burned

I've been on a Jets kick lately. I decided to see if there was a Jets station on Pandora and sure enough there is. But it's not really what you'd expect. It's a bit...schizophrenic. In the last three days, it has played me three songs by The Jets, "You Got It All", "Private Number" and "The Same Love". The first night I had the station on, it played a bunch of karaoke hits that I very much enjoyed belting along to; "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now", "Next Time I Fall", "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight". That seemed random but I didn't think much about it. The second night, it played those same three Jets songs and then 90's gangsta rap the rest of the evening. I guess the message from Pandora is that those are the only three Jets songs they own and so they'll play whatever the hell they want once those obligatory songs are outta the way. And that's just fine because I own all The Jets songs that I like anyway. And here's one of them now. The thing I kinda love now about all of their videos is just how unabashedly 80's they were. The minute you see any of their videos, there is no question what decade they're from. One of the few things I actually like about the 80's, actually. Happy Friday.

Girl, Let's Just Get Marri - Uh...Let's Slow It Way Down

G: You're not marriage material, Giuseppe. 
Me: 'Scuse you, my psychic said I might be marriage material...someday.
G: lol I love how your answer to everything now is, "My psychic says..."
Me: lol Precisely.
G: First of all, she doesn't know you like I do. And marriage and you...that don't jive man.
Me: I could do it...if I had to...maybe.
G: Think about it this way - Marriage is spending every day of your life with one person. EVERY. DAY. Every morning, every afternoon, every night. Do you really think anyone could put up with you every day? lol
Me: lol How dare you, sir! I will have you know that [Y] and I have had a sexless marriage for well over thirty years now!
G: Think about it this way - Marriage is having sex with the same person for the rest of your life. ONE. PERSON. For the rest of your life. Forsaking all others and shit. Do you really think you could have sex with just one person at a time the rest of your life? lol
Me: ...
Me: Well, I would've said yes had you not added that "one person at a time" stipulation at the end lol
G: LMAO. Yes Giuseppe. Only one at a time.
Me: Well...my psychic doesn't really now me. She's probably wrong about that whole marriage thing.
G: lol And all is right again with the world.

Oh Yes, It's Ladies Night

The ladies in my life are going through some tough-ish times at the moment and it annoys me that I can do absolutely nothing about it. My mom, Miss N and her mom are all having medical issues that have a "wait and see" tag attached to them. And all of these issues have popped up in the last few days, which is just ridiculous. Apparently April is coming in like a lion. Of course, April is already a difficult month for me so all of this is just increasing the difficulty. I hope things work out for the best, and the healthiest, for all three of them but it's the waiting that's a pain in the ass. I have no patience so you can imagine how I get when there's a wait of undetermined length for something like medical problems. But this year has been good to those I love so far and I'm determined to try and get back on that path. For all of it's faults, there are good things about April. It's the first full month of spring. Miss N's birthday is next week, and her birthday party is this weekend. That's a great thing. Sir Elton (who finally has an "official" name, though I won't believe it until they've committed to it on the birth certificate) is due to arrive at the end of the month and I'm beyond excited about that. My niece turns 15 (Jesus) this month. And the sister and I turn 33 just a few days after that. All good things. I was talking to my mom and the incomparable Crazy Aunt today about this month's happenings. Somehow, no one had realized until that conversation that even my birth month has me surrounded by girls. Miss N, the niece, the sister, a cousin and the sister-in-law all have birthdays this month. But I'm the only dude born in April. First off, how does it take an entire of family of people 33 years to notice something like this. And second, what the hell? I mean, I don't have anything against the fairer sex (obviously), but my best friend is a chick, my twin is a chick, my daughter is a chick...I don't think I was ever meant to NOT be surrounded by ladies. Which is fine, really. But it's funny how this manwhore never really a chance to escape all that estrogen. I must have had some colorful adventures in past lives (and I'd bet Monopoly money that I'll be surrounded by dudes in my next life).
As I approach 33, I find myself quite 'meh' about it all. I'm thankful to make it this far, but that's about it. No real freakouts or OMG moments about this or that. I think you get that out of the way when you turn 30 and then you're just kinda like, "Yeah...I'm thirty [whatever] now" and you move on. Someone asked me the other day if I feel 33. Hell no. In fact, I think my body believes I'm a decade younger than that half the time. It's up for anything and seems to have a way of conveniently making me forget how much it's gonna hurt in the morning after I overdo it. But even that's fine with me. I seem to have more trouble coping with Miss N's aging than I do my own. She's gonna be six and I just can't wrap my head around that. I remember her as this little one who I used to sit with in the middle of the night and read with. We still do that but now she can read to me. It just goes by way too fast, man. But I'm kinda glad I've only had one child to watch grow to this age. I think I would have missed way too many milestones and 'wow' moments if there were two or three kids to deal with at once. Of course, now that Miss N realizes how old she's getting, she thinks it's high time she had a sibling. And a puppy. But lately she's pushing the sibling. It's somewhat adorable how she and my elders seem to have the same view on me having more kids; they both think it's just so easy, like I can pull another kid outta thin air. I've yet to tell the elders or Miss N that I do want another kid though. I already get enough pressure about it, I don't need 'em all on my back about it even more. That's another thing that's changed as Miss N has gotten older. She's becoming just another lady in my life who tells me what I do wrong and how I should fix myself. She actually gave me an annoyed, 'are you serious right now' look last week when I finished eating breakfast over the sink, rather than sitting down with a plate like a civilized human being. It was hilarious. And yet another reason why I miss my little Miss N. Not just because my soon-to-be six-year-old can scold me now, but also because I just love kids at those younger ages. They're entertaining, they're cute and they're fascinated by the tiniest things. Maybe that's why I'm not having trouble turning 33, because I'm having trouble reconciling how old my kid is. And she's just gonna keep growing. I mean, she can already sass me and scold me about things. It's like having a tiny version of all the other women in my life with me. But I can't complain. I'm a lucky boy.

You're Only As Old As You Can Remember

Her: Cheer me up, I'm depressed.

Me: Why so glum, chum?

Her: My day has sucked and now it's April so I'm depressed that I'll be 40 soon.

Me: LOL. Um...

Her: What?

Me: You were born in 1976. You'll be 38 this year.

Her: LOL. Wow.

Her: My day has improved now that I found out I'll only be 38. 

Me: Really? Looks more like you're cruising towards 65 from where I sit.

Her: lol Shut it. I can only handle so many surprises in five minutes.
Me: Well, it's not all bad news. I mean, you're still older than me. And you always will be. So that's exciting.
Her: lol You never did learn how to shut it, did you?
Me: lol Nope.

Diary Of A Film School Nerd

You know the quickest way to derail my life? Give me a new TV show to get hooked on. TV is my non-guilty pleasure. The better a show is, the more borderline obsessed I become about it. And now there's a new show to add to the pile of DVR-hoggers I already watch. "Helix" is a show on Syfy (stupidest spelling for a network ever) about a group of CDC peeps who are dispatched to the Arctic to investigate an outbreak of an unknown disease. Ground zero for this outbreak is a highly secure, incredibly remote company that masquerades as a pharmaceutical testing facility, but is actually experimenting with various viruses and cures on both humans and animals. Of course, the CDC knows none of this and, by the time they find out, it's too late. I'd never heard of this show until a friend told me about it last week and said it might be the kinda thing I dig. Lucky for me, Syfy ran a "Helix" marathon on Friday that included the entire season. And it was a good way to spent 12 hours. The show reminds me of "Lost" in that every episode brought all kinds of questions and "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR?!" moments. You're almost compelled to watch the next episode...and the next...and the next. And after each episode, I thought it was a great thing I didn't find it sooner and watch it week to week because it woulda driven me crazy the same way "Lost" did. I was all kindsa excited when I heard it was renewed for a second season. Until I heard the second season isn't due until 2015. Then I went a little Hulk-ish and broke some stuff. Methinks an entire year is way too long to wait for a TV show, no matter how good it is. But unfortunately, that's the way it is for cable shows. And it's not even a totally fair payoff for that wait since you only get 13 episodes. But it could be worse. You could devote nine years of your life to a show, only to be let down when the series finale arrives. Such is the case with a buncha peeps today after the "How I Met Your Mother" finale.
I never got into HIMYM. The characters just never appealed to me. But I do have a general understanding of what's going on and, having read the recap of the finale, I'd probably be blind with fiery rage too had I been a fan. What an awful ending. What a giant leap back in character development. I mean, didn't the dude start out as a nerd with a crush on his gal pal when the show began? And he basically ends up the same guy, only with two children in tow. Sounds like someone just got lazy. There's chatter about this being listed as one of the worst finales of all time and I can't say I'd disagree. I've suffered through a few other terrible finales myself. I LOVE "Roseanne" to the point where I can quote just about every episode. Except for the final season and a half. It was some kind of fuckery when Dan Conner had an affair after the family won the lottery. He was always a good husband and father, not the kind of guy who would step out on his wife after nearly 30 years of marriage. As if that weren't enough, it's revealed in the finale that everything after his heart attack was a figment of Roseanne's imagination, a way of coping with the death of her husband after he had a heart attack on their daughter's wedding day. Honestly, that's where the show ended for me. I don't watch anything that came after that because it just got ridiculous. And it was no longer funny. The appeal of this family was that they were just like everyone else and, although times were not always good, they navigated their way through it all with humor. Once they won the lottery, everyone changed and the jokes became stale and overly contrived. It was no longer believable and that took all the fun out of it. Equally unbelievable was the finale of "Will & Grace". I was a little late to the W&G party. I dipped in and out of watching it as it was at the height of it's popularity, but did not watch the series beginning to end until just a few years ago. I don't recall if I watched the series finale at the time it aired, but caught it on TV last year and was underwhelmed. The greatness about that show was that Will and Grace's friendship endured through everything that happened to them; him coming out after having proposed to her, good boyfriends and bad boyfriends, family drama and even her having basically cast him aside when she met and married her Jewish doctor (I like Harry Connick Jr. but could never get on board with his character. Especially after he cheated and lied about it.). Neither of them ever had to choose between their own happiness in a relationship and each other. So it was a bit ludicrous that the finale involved each of them to do just that; choose between each other or their relationships. First off, neither would ever stay involved with someone who wanted to force the other out of their lives, as Vince tried to do to Will. Second, I don't care how desperate she was for a man, there's no way Grace would ever be able to be happy with Leo again after everything that happened. I don't care if you have five of the dude's kids, once trust is broken it is incredibly difficult to get back, if you ever can.  And then there's the fact that they just abandon their friendship so easily and let it go to hell for almost two decades, only reuniting when their kids fortuitously end up in college together. Great friendships are rare as hell, anyone with any kind of sense doesn't just let that person walk away. The whole thing was ridiculous and a total letdown. Their kids should've grown up together, not had to meet once they were in college.
I know it's difficult to put a fitting ending on a show that's been on for four or five or even ten years, but I believe it's also tied to how prepared the writers are as the show progresses. "Friends" was not expected to become the phenomenon it was, but it's writers adjusted to constantly being in the spotlight and keeping the show fresh year after year. That show, and it's finale, is the bar for all long-running sitcoms. They managed to get ten seasons that were overall pretty fantastic and they ended with a wonderful finale that saw everything as it should be; Ross and Rachel together (finally) and everyone still a part of each other's lives, despite growing up and no longer living across the hall from each other. All of those characters grew by leaps and bounds in ten years, but certain aspects of their personalities remained the same. Chandler was a husband and father, but still neurotic as hell. Monica was a wife and mother, what she'd always aspired to be, yet both of those things came to her in very unexpected ways. Ross got the girl in the end, but not the way he'd hoped it would happen. Rachel was still ever so slightly irresponsible, yet also found herself embracing motherhood. And Joey and Phoebe were still...well, Joey and Phoebe, albeit it evolved versions of themselves. It ended the way we all wanted it to, with everyone riding off into the sunset, embarking on a new chapter in their lives while still maintaining their bond.
"ER" ran for a whopping fifteen seasons, the latter of which were mostly 'meh', and still managed to have a decent finale. By the end of it all only one original castmember remained and he was sort of in and out of the show, but appeared enough to have the finale somewhat centered on him and his ties to County General Hospital. Dr. John Carter began the show as an intern who could do no right by his mentor. He ended it as a man coping with the loss of his stillborn son and the toll that took on his marriage. He was also waiting on a kidney to replace his that was failing. In the time it took to get from point A to point B, he nearly died while on a Doctors Without Borders mission in Africa, survived being stabbed by a patient in the hospital, and finally took control of his family's enormous wealth by pouring all of it into a new clinic that would help Chicago's poor get the medical treatment they needed. The love of Carter's life was medicine and that was the one thing that remained a constant in his life. The series finale centered around Carter building his clinic while awaiting a donor kidney. And it brought many of his friends and fellow doctors back to celebrate the grand opening of a part of the clinic and, knowingly or not, help him survive. All but one of the original castmembers returned, as did a few other characters from over the years. The only one who did not return was someone who had been killed off years prior. Even Clooney came back in a wonderfully crafted storyline that showed us whatever happened to he and Nurse Hathaway (they were "ER's" Ross and Rachel, basically). It wasn't a perfect finale, but it was pretty damn good. The hospital remained in business, now with a new round of doctors to take care of Chicago's sick. Life went on, even if we were no longer invited in to take a peek at it each week. And somehow, that was a fitting way to end it.
Without a doubt, my favorite series finale ever was "Lost" (which I've written about here before). It was one of those love or hate kinda finales though. Those who favor science and meticulously took notes throughout the show's run were disappointed that not all of their questions were answered, while those who favor faith and didn't need every single thing to be explained were generally happy with how it ended. I've never heard anyone whose opinion about it falls in the middle, and I think that's a good thing. And all good things must come to an end at some point, including the shows I follow religiously now. I'm in no way looking forward to the ends of those shows, but I know there's always the possibility their series finales will be a letdown. I don't know how "The Big Bang Theory" will end, but I'd like to think it would be more "Friends" and less "HIMYM". "The Good Wife" is having an amazing season, on par or maybe even better than season one, and its creators say they already know how that will end. "Scandal" is basically an American telenovela so that can end however the hell it wants and still have it be believable to some degree. "Helix" is one of those shows that you feel like could be yanked off the air at anytime and so it may not get a series finale. But if the first season finale is any indication, they will wrap up any remaining questions regardless of what happens. The only remaining question is whether or not they will do it in a stupid fashion. Oh, and will we have to wait a year for that too (yes, I'm still bitter dammit).