W: LMAO
Oh, marriage. The above exchange took place while discussing a celebrity divorce and reconciliation (and now apparently divorce, again) and not long after that convo, I ended up debating the marriage thing with Crazy Aunt. Lemme break down Crazy Aunt's dating history for you; she was married once, then divorced, remarried and had two kids, divorced, was engaged a third time but didn't get hitched and has since gotten her groove back by dating several, usually younger, men. And this woman is lecturing me on marriage (god, I adore my family. Just for ish like this). In spite of having two strikes on her record and vowing to never vow marriage again, she still thinks "it's something everyone should try once". Like it's a pastry or something. Try a little marriage and if you don't like it, then don't do it again. When I asked why she remarried, she said her second husband was the love of her life. Their problem was that he still wanted to have his other affairs and she wasn't gonna stick around for that. They divorced but remained really good friends until he passed away. She was engaged at that time and his passing sort of opened her eyes to the fact that she'd never love anyone the way she loved him and so she decided not to marry again. Maybe her attempt to hitch the rest of us is some sort of vicarious living.
Crazy Aunt is usually on my side of the marriage debate but I think my mom got to her because now she's turned on me. My mom is not shy about letting everyone know that the one thing she wants for me is to "settle down" and get married. But honestly, I think a large part of her reasoning for that is that she worries. She sees the siblings both essentially hitched and happy with kids and she's concerned that I'm not going to have the same thing. And I've thought about that too. Maybe my shot was back in my early twenties and it's just not meant to be now. But obviously that fear isn't a reason to jump into a marriage. Crazy Aunt posed this question to me: "What would it take to get you down an aisle?". I love how it was thrown out there like she's the marriage equivalent of a new car salesman. I'm sure she would've been willing to haggle too, if it'd make a difference. But it did make me think. I've seen friends I never thought would take the plunge decide to go for it the last few months. However, I've also had a couple of friends who I thought would be in marriages that lasted forever split up. The idea of divorce doesn't scare me, the idea of marriage does. Sometimes I don't think it'd take much for me to suit up and get hitched but most days...meh. But I'm not really in a place where that'd be an option anyway.
Crazy Aunt's theory is this: There are two kinds of people in the world, those who should be married and those who shouldn't. If you want to continue to have your dalliances and can't be sure of what the line between faithful and unfaithful is, then you shouldn't be married. Have your affairs, do whatever you want on your own time but don't bring a wife and kids into your drama. If you want that whole happy family thing with stability and children, then you should be married. But only if you're truly committed to doing whatever it takes to make those things work. The problem with Crazy Aunt and her second Mister was that she was one of those who should be married and he was one who shouldn't have been. They adored each other but they were incompatible maritally. That makes me wonder what you're supposed to do when that happens. Is it just doomed from the start? It also made me wonder which of those I am. I kinda fall in between. Not in that I want to have affairs or anything, if I ever did get hitched, those vows would be serious as a heart attack. But just that I'm not all in on the idea of the happy family. Still, I've heard many times that I "should" be married and I don't know where that comes from or what it means. Crazy Aunt said this to me and I asked her about it. She said her reason for thinking I should get married is that I'd make a good husband. When I shuddered at the thought, she slapped my arm and told me I should stop being so stubborn and open myself up the idea of marriage. Then she listed a bunch of reasons why I'd enjoy it but I didn't pay much attention.
As Crazy Aunt was finishing up her marriage talk, I shared this story with her. A friend and I got fake "married" on Facebook (of all places) awhile back so someone on her wall would stop trying to convince her to go to singles functions. Yesterday, I had to go into my junk email folder to retrieve something and noticed a message from Facebook that said, "It's [so and so's] anniversary!". I was confused by what they meant since her birthday has already come and gone and there are no other relevant anniversaries to speak of this month. I went to Facebook and scoured her page for any hint of what anniversary the thing was talking about, but it didn't specify anything. It just said at the top of every page that it was her anniversary. Then I went to my page and realized it was talking about the anniversary of our "marriage". What's worse is the email they'd sent was a week old. Now, if I can't even remember when I wifed my fake wife, I don't think I'm in any position to wife a real wife. Crazy Aunt's reply? "Mijo, I never remembered when I married my husbands either. That's no excuse.". That woman has an answer for everything.
My view on relationships is more like the following song than it is traditional marriage. Just be cray cray in love and have a gang of kids and give no fucks about anything else. That's what the sister and bro-in-law have done and it's worked just fine through 16 years and three kids. That's what I want. I may get all mushy about the marriage thing sometimes; the vows, the ceremony, proposing, etc. But that don't mean I'm actually interested in doing any of it myself (although I'm not opposed to a sort of permanent engagement). I don't see the big deal. If you decide to commit to each other and build a family, then that's it. You don't need anything more to solidify that. I get why my mom and aunts want me to get hitched, but it's not for everyone. If I'm meant to travel that path someday, then it will happen in it's time. If not, then that's just fine too.
