How Wonderful Life Is While You're In The World

Oh, Miss N. Today you are six years young (believe me, you'll appreciate the "young" part someday). And I'll be honest...daddy is having some trouble coping with that. See, the older you get, the more independent you become. And I don't like that. At all. Because eventually you'll be out of the house and on your own and I'll be an old man. And I'm not sure which of those things upsets me more, but I digress. When I was about your age, I vaguely remember a friend of your grandma's being pregnant and going to her baby shower. Everybody there asked her whether she wanted a boy or a girl and she said she wanted a daughter that she could play dolls with and dress up with. Her husband wanted a boy, of course, because he wanted to go to baseball games and play with toy trucks. For awhile, I thought it was just a given that women wanted daughters and men wanted sons and that if either didn't get what they wanted, they were less happy about being a parent. I used to dream about having a family, preferably with three kids just like mine. Because that's what I thought you were supposed to do; grow up, go to college, get a job and then get married and have children. But the older you get, the more you realize that life has its own plans for you, and that you can want or not want any of those things. Some people dream of having this kind of child or that kind and some believe, or hope is maybe a better word, that their child will be a carbon copy of them. Even though I used to want a mess of kids, I never once thought about what they would be like or what characteristics they would have. But I did always believe that when I chose to have a child, it would be because I was so in love with someone that I wanted to see their characteristics, not my own, in the little being we would create. I think that is a huge expression of love, when you love someone so much that you just want to clone them, in a way. I still believe that will happen someday. And it's happened before too. It's what brought you to me.
Your mother and I once went through that phase of wanting to clone each other, albeit briefly. We were happy for awhile, we even tried to have you for awhile. But the timing wasn't right for us so we took some time apart. I'd always known your mom would be the mother of all mothers because she's warm and affectionate and was looking forward to having children. Most people look forward to the good stuff and forget about the sleepless nights and teething and incessant crying, but your mom was even looking forward to that. I always knew she would be a wonderful mother and that's why it was difficult for me to really get past our split. I didn't know if it was for good, but a part of me hoped it wasn't and really even felt like it wasn't. I just knew we had more road to run. And obviously we did. It took longer than we thought, and it wasn't under ideal circumstances, but something brought us back together and then you came along. And your mom and I became "those people" I mentioned in the beginning of this post who have all of these dreams and aspirations for their kids. Sort of. We both had hopes for what you would be; an artist, a singer, a writer. Clearly, we favor the arts as a profession, but it's up to you to choose what you wanna be (I'm not lobbying for writer AT ALL, and your mom is certainly not pushing for you to be an artist). I don't remember either of us having any vision of what you should look like, how your personality should be. She never cared if you were a boy or a girl. Admittedly, I did care. I wanted a girl. I always wondered why fathers only took their sons to games and didn't have tea parties with their daughters. I believe it's just as much fun to take a girl to a sporting event or hell, even play tea party with your sons. Who cares? Your kids will want to play how they want to play and there's no reason to try and change them (provided they play safely, of course). I could not wait to take you to hockey and baseball and football games. I couldn't wait to have tea parties with you. In my own way, I looked forward to the mundane and difficult parts of parenthood just as much your mom did. And I've enjoyed every second of it. I never believed in love at first sight before you came along because it's not possible to fully love someone and all of their faults when you don't yet know everything about them. But you...you are the only case of love at first sight I've ever had. I think that's the only possible way to have love at first sight, is when you first lay eyes on your children. You don't know them at all, but your entire purpose becomes being a good parent to them and letting them know they will always be loved unconditionally. And I hope you know that. I hope you know your mom and I adore you beyond belief and will always support you, no matter what path you choose in life, no matter who you become (*cough* writer *cough*). You are and always will be priority one. You're a very lucky little girl. Your mom and her family and daddy and his family all love you so much, and I hope you never forget how blessed you are to have these weirdos in your life. I no longer want three kids, but if I ever do have another one, I kinda hope it's a boy so I don't have choose a favorite daughter (but don't tell your sister that, if you end up with one).
The first years of your life, you were all daddy in temperament and preferences and attitude. But, as you get older, you look more and more like your mom and some of your personality reminds me of your grandmas. Still, there are things we have in common. You worship at the altar of the Reese's Peanut Butter cup, just like I do (although not right now since we gave up candy for Lent). You like to color and you're much better at staying in the lines than I am. And, just recently, you've taken a shine to hockey. HOCKEY! You asked me if we could go to a game the other day. Unfortunately, you asked that after the last home game of the season for the Avalanche. But that's okay, we will work on your timing and make sure you know what months have hockey. And even if it's just a phase, I'm still going to take in every minute of it. And, regardless of what your mom says, I will not love you less if you fall out of love with hockey. Okay, well I will try to not love you less (I kid, I kid!). You, Miss N, are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I work hard everyday to try and be the best dad I can for you because you deserve that.

HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY, GORGEOUS!