A Great Day To Be Alive

It's been a brutal month for the family and I. Lots going on, lots of not so great stuff happening. And it would be very easy to linger in the negative. But that's not how I roll. I'm an eternal optimist by nature, even when my optimism is misplaced (as has been the case recently). I could go on about all the meh-ness happening right now, but it won't make me feel any better. It won't change things. Instead, I should be focusing on the good things going on. And one of those good things is that I'm even here to  experience any of the stuff, good or bad, that's going on. Twelve years ago on this day (and tomorrow too, actually), I died, albeit briefly. For whatever reason, I was brought back. This day is always odd for me. It comes just 48 hours after the anniversary of my girlfriend's passing, and about a week after my birthday. Some years I remember what day this is and some years I don't. This year was the latter. The best friend reminded me of it, she always remembers, and in doing so told me she's thankful I am still here. I heard that a few times today actually, that the people in my life are happy I'm alive. According to one of them, I'm a "fucking miracle". Meh. I'm nothing special, but it does the soul good to hear the people you love say how much they love you. And I adore all of them. In these past twelve years, I've become a father to a little girl I can't get enough of (til the teenage years, anyway). I've made amazing, ride or die kinda friends. I've pursued my passions, and made a career out of something I love to do. There have been bad experiences too of course but without the bad, we wouldn't know how to appreciate the good. I spent a good five of those years wanting to die and taking things out on myself. But then I found the second great love of my life in Miss N. And nothing compares with being a father, I love every minute of it. Had I stayed dead, I would have missed out on all of this. It's taken a long ass time to get to this POV, but I'm finally grateful that I came back too. And I'm looking forward to the next dozen or so years. Back in 2002, I couldn't have imagined I'd end up where I am now, or that I'd become the person I am. Twelve years from 2014? Who knows what that will be like. But I do know that in those next dozen years, I want to embrace the great things in life. I want to love and be loved, and be wide open to all the love that's meant to come my way. I hope to expand the brood and give Miss N some siblings. Most of all, I just want to be happy. There will be bad stuff and tests and negativity, those are all a part of life, but I will learn to take a breath, meditate on it and deal with it calmly. My optimism may occasionally be misplaced, but I'll gladly take that over having no optimism at all.